Hi As I am new to the "out of closet" comunity, I have a question. It took me quite a while to realise what FWB stood for. How does this work. What is the protocol?
I'm not sure there is a protocol, as such. The main thing is to be clear about the boundaries with yourself and each other. If it is indeed a friendly and casual sexual arrangement, without commitment or any expectation of a relationship you need to be very clear about that from the outset. I would also strongly suggest keeping it safe (safe sex) as there is no pretence of commitment or exclusivity in this kind of arrangement. Apart from that you work out the 'arrangements' with each other, but it's generally the case that most meetings end up with sex.
Another thing to just be thoughtful about: FWBs arrangements can work... the challenge is when one of the parties starts to have feelings for the other. If both parties share the feelings and so forth, then that isn't a bad thing, and FWB relationships do sometimes evolve into real relationships. However, more often than not, that doesn't happen. The challenge for folks new to the scene can be that those feelings can and do develop, and they can end up feeling hurt if they aren't reciprocated, even though the understanding was clear at the outset. So it's advisable to have a very clear and honest conversation up front about expectations, as Patrick suggests, but I would add that it's probably worthwhile to check in any time you notice any change in either your own feelings or the feelings of the other person. Honest communication is the key to making any relationship, including a FWB one, work. I also absolutely echo the importance of keeping it safe by using condoms every. single. time. Any FWB that suggests otherwise is not someone you want to be intimate with, because he isn't taking your health (or his) seriously.
Thank you Patric and Chip Very very good practical advice. I guess it would be ideal to have a FWB that is also bi/gay and married.
Meh, I wouldn't limit it to that... and that can create another whole host of issues (jealousy, integrity, etc... not everyone who is married will be honest about being married or honest about what their spouse knows). I think the biggest single thing is keeping the communication going, and trying (it's difficult) to get agreement on both sides that you'll talk about it if either of you starts feeling anything (positive or negative) differently as the FWB thing develops.
