If given the opportunity to restart your life from a certain point onward retaining everything you know now, how far back would you go and what would you do differently? you can also restart as many times as you like to try multiple different paths.
Interesting... on the one hand, I hated middle school and everyone in it and would prefer to avoid all that. On the other hand, what if I did things differently? Stood up for myself? Was more vocal about how I was doing? Then again, all those surgeries... maybe I'll just redo high school.
I’d go back to age 11, we moved to a new town and I ended up making friends with the class loner who stabbed me in the back leaving me with no friends. I’d go back to secondary school and make more of an effort to study. I’d go back to my second try at university and actually attend more than two days of the second semester. I literally slept days the whole semester. I only managed to attend for two days. I’d go back to the start of secondary school with full knowledge of my disability and get more help. Or I’d go back in time to before I was born and tell my mother to dump my dad and hook up with a guy who wouldn’t give one of her kids a genetic disease and who wouldn’t turn in to the father who’s kids actually hate him. Or back in my childhood and really press the whole divorce idea.
I’ve learned to roll with the choices I’ve made over the years, or the situations that played out. I’m pretty lucky to have been loved, and to have done ok even through tough times. I do wonder if I’d been able to have the conversation again with the boy who said he liked me in middle school, and instead of asking if he wanted to kiss me (he shyly said “no”), I’d said “I hope that means you want to kiss me, I’d like to try that.” But I was shy too. I have health issues that got triggered from a time period when I was on my own, broke and didn’t eat well. Maybe if I had asked for monetary help from my family I would have had a dent to my pride but be healthier now. I’m ok, and I have medical insurance, so it didn’t destroy my life. There were a couple times I had been mean to people I love. They know I love them, but there will always be that one memory that mars the otherwise good ones together. On the other hand I got to apologize deeply, and they knew I meant it - they got to see a side of me that was genuinely showing my own hurt over what I’d realized I done to them, and something of my character in changing my ways to never be that way again. I kick myself for not going to counseling earlier. Counseling really helped me understand my sexual orientation. Lots of “what ifs” on that one.
I can think of several “What if” moments through the years, but the one that I currently ponder today is, “I wish that I had met you when we were both at university together.” I have told my friend this many times. He has made such an amazing impact on my life in the almost 2 years since I met him, I often think about what if I had met him while I was at university over 40 years ago? He is one year younger than me, and we attended the same university for 3 years, but we never met each other.
I would just go back to birth and make allll the right decisions. Haha. Not to mention win an award for being the smartest baby alive. (From retaining all my information) joking. I would go back though just to enjoy more time with certain people, and definitely to make better choices. More so for the people.
A part of me wishes that I could travel back to high school and come out at that age, or rather attend high school all out trans and filled with confidence. There's been so many beautiful and interestin' pieces if clothings out there that I've fully missed my chance enjoyin' to wear. How great it'd be to actually if I took the chance back then instead of waitin' 15+-ish more years to comr out thenxS