Sometimes I believe I'm a lesbian but sometimes I think I'm pretending to be a lesbian. I don't know how my family will react towards knowing their daughter is a lesbian since they have made homophobic comments in the past.
Why are you uncertain about your orientation? There is also no point in opening yourself to nasty attitudes from family (or anyone for that matter) until you are fairly certain at least.
I think I doubt my sexuality because I probably suffer from anxiety and I overthink everything all the time.
Yeah I can understand that. Especially when you aren't out and so you don't really have anyone to talk things through with. It can make things just go around and around in your head which then means you question them more. On the flip side, tell me about all the things that make you a lesbian.
Sometimes things like this fall into a grey area of uncertainty (about your parents reaction). I don't know your parents, but just because they've said homophobic things in the past doesn't necessarily mean they are going to have a terrible reaction, although they'll probably have to re-process their preconceived ideas It's really easy to say things about a vague group of people. It's harder to say those things to someone's face, and [I'm assuming] even harder to say those to your child.
It all depends on the person and the OP is best placed to know about the people she are closest to. My mother had zero problem being hateful to me.
1. I trust women more emotionally. 2. I see myself with a woman instead of a man (romantically and sexually) , since I have bad feelings about being with a man (married to them) and I don't have the same feelings that I do with women. Also, I find men attractive, but I think that is all I feel for them.
I get that feeling too. one moment you are so sure of yourself and who you really are inside, but then you take a look at the life you have already established and wonder if what you've been feeling is actually real or just a fantasy borne of nothing less than curiosity for the sake of curiosity. I now see it as one of the many obstacles of coming out.. I mean what if you accept yourself as what you say you are, then come out to your friends and family only to realize it wasn't real a few weeks later? how would that play out? you'd be shifting the feeling of living one lie to living a completely different lie on the opposite end of the spectrum. Ive felt and experienced too much over the years to believe this is some sort of twisted phase just for the sake of trying to find a place I belong more than anything else. however, I still don't have enough evidence yet to confirm whether or not what I'm feeling is 100% real. I hope you find the answers you're looking for soon, as well as acceptance from your family regardless of what happens next.
I think one of the most telling things sometimes is just how picturing your future makes you feel. So I think felling positive when you imagine being with a woman is great.
