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Getting attached too easily

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Gaypjo, Nov 8, 2020.

  1. Gaypjo

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    Hey I’ve noticed that I get attached to people way too quickly. So I’ve been trying to find a relationship not had much luck but hey that’s life. I just went on my first date in a long time with an amazing guy. It was a lot of fun and we both had such a great time. I ended it on a good note kissed him on the cheek and asked if he wanted a second date all well and good. Long story short his parents told him he can’t date anyone (hes 18 and living with his parents). Anyways now I have the issue of I got attached to him in the week of talking and the date we went on(it’s hard trying to tell myself sometimes you find the right guy at the wrong time). It’s hard knowing I’ll never see him again. But it was only one week and one date? Surely people go on lots of first dates and never see the other again. So that kind of brought to my attention I get attached to people too fast. Which it sounds stupid even asking but does anybody have advice for trying to like not do that? I’m 19 and pretty much new to the whole dating thing but I after that I just feel so demotivated and like I’m not going to find another guy like that. Anyways thanks for reading my long rambled out paragraph!
     
  2. Chip

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    It's about your own sense of worthiness. You're probably externalizing your own happiness by attaching it to being in a relationship. So when you find someone who pays attention to you and makes you feel good, you want to latch onto it. (The unconscious fear with worthiness is that we aren't worthy of love and belonging and connection with someone else, so when someone pays attention to us, we are certain it's the last person we'll ever find who will do that.) Does any of that resonate for you?
     
    old tacoma likes this.
  3. Gaypjo

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    Well damn. Yea that all sounds about right. Nailed it in one
     
  4. Gaypjo

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    Sorry forgot to hit reply to ur reply. But uhm yea pretty much got it in one.
     
  5. QuietPeace

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    I have had similar problems. After more than four decades of dating (I am nearly 60) I have found that however much I may believe that there is no one else out there, there are others out there. Maybe you should seek out therapy to help yourself realize your own worthiness and work on some issues.
     
  6. Chip

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    Very, very common problem. If you're a reader, I recommend Brené Brown's book "The Gifts of Imperfection." If you are more into videos, she has three TED talks: The Power of Vulnerability, The Price of Invulnerability, and Listening to Shame. I recommend watching all of them. This is a solvable problem, but it takes time.