I'm in kind of weird predicament here and could use some advice. Due to the pandemic, I'm living at home with my parents, who are intent on chatting and having a video call with my incredibly anti-lgbt, homophobic grandparents. It's very distressing to me and I actively avoid my extended family after knowing the comments they made and their attitude towards me when I came out years ago. Normally having to interact with them is something I never have to consider or deal with, but given the circumstances my parents are most likely going to want me to interact with them, for whatever reason, and I want to avoid the situation entirely. Would it be rude of me to leave before they have the video call? Could I outright refuse to talk to them, given their attitude and the last thing I want is to confront or deal with it? I really do not want to talk with them. How should I go about this... thank you.
You can refuse to talk to them. Your parents will most likely say that it is rude of you and it may blow up and cause a fight. The actual fact though is that when someone is nasty about or to you walking away is not rude, it is the polite way to avoid a fight. They may try to gaslight you into thinking that it is rude but THEY are the ones being rude.
Not sure how old you are, but that will factor in as well. Personally? I don’t talk to 85% of my extended family. I got cousins I haven’t spoken to in a decade. At the end of the day you have to ask yourself is your peace and mental well being worth having them in your life?
If you're 18 or older, they legitimately cannot make you talk to your grandparents or any other anti-LGBT family members. The fact that they would even expect you to when your grandparents have said nasty things about you is troubling; I assume they are aware of these things, right? And if they accepted you where no one else in the family has, they should be defending you from your grandparents and understanding your desire to avoid them. I suggest sitting down and having a conversation with your parents, preferably when one or both is in an amicable mood. Express your feelings and concerns as calmly as possible, and if they can't accept your feelings on the matter, too bad for them. Hell, even if you're younger than 18, you are in no way obligated to speak or interact with any family member that makes you uncomfortable or belittles you. I hope things go better than you expect them to. Keep us posted?
Thanks everyone. I'm 24 years old, I think I'm long past the point of having parents dictate what I can or can't do, I just really didn't want to create any tension. It's also difficult because I'm under the impression that, despite what has been said about me, my dad still attempts to be close to his parents which leaves me in a weird position whenever I want to defend myself. I don't think my parents are the kind who would ever kick me out because I refuse to talk to someone (family or not) who has treated me poorly but I still feel weird and like I'm being disrespectful for not engaging. To be honest I'm not really connected with family outside of my parents for numerous reasons and I have a hard time with guilt regarding that, it's something I want to be able to get over and realize that I don't need to spend time with people who just bring me down. My parents did have a video call with my grandparents last night but I just stayed away in my room, I was pretty nervous they were going to call on me to talk or invite me out. They didn't fortunately, hopefully they got the memo that it isn't something I wish to engage in. I really wish my dad would at least be considerate of what his father has said about me but it seems like it doesn't matter enough to him to not condone his attitude. We talked about it a long time ago but it left a sore spot between us so that has fed into my apprehension with having that conversation again.
This is a lesson that I wish I had learned much earlier in life. If people take more out of you than you gain from having them in your life then you need to distance yourself. If people want to have you in their life they need to treat you well enough to deserve you in their life.
I don't talk to my family because they dislike me for being gay. Life is too short to socialise with people that have a problem with you.
