Im gay but everyone thinks Im straight

Welcome to the club. Cookies are on the table. Chocolate chip too, my favorite.

Coming out is both a personal and professional decision. Always remember that subsistence comes before pride; if your job is really that much in danger (which I doubt) then the obvious choice is not to come out.

When I was coming out myself, I considered the possibility of losing vital financial support from my family. Thank God the outcome was the complete opposite of what I was expecting, although not everyone has this good fortune.

What I did was draft a backup plan; I took advantage of regular therapy sessions I've been going through, and would plan to tell them (in a complete fabrication) I wasn't bi after all after a few sessions. Maybe something similar can work for you if you feel the pressing need to come out.

 

well you don't necessarily have to come out to explore dating with a guy, its a very personal decision to come out of the closet, if you feel the time has come, then thats totally up to you, there is no timeline you have to follow. also, perhaps looking for a different workplace that is gay friendly? google different companies you want to work for and see what their policies are. whatever decision you make, you're not alone, best of luck

 

You'd be surprised how quickly people can change when they find out they know someone who is gay.

 

Well, you don't have to start with your parents. Start with a trusted friend, and go from there.

I too, was closeted for many a year, and everyone assumed I was straight (in fact some still don't believe it). I thought turning my life around would be life turning around an ocean liner, but then a friend (the only one I was out to) told me you ever seen an ocean liner? those little tug boats turn those big ass things around.
Wise words, if not odd.

Don't think about having to turn everyone else's view on your around, that's not what you're doing here. All coming out means is a slight re-definition of who you are. You're still the same Joe you you've always been, you're just gay too.

 

Welcome to EC!

>>>Also Im a mechanic and you can imagine the prejudice I would face from my colleagues if they found out who I really am.

I came out right after college, then ended up getting a job in an auto parts warehouse. At first, I thought "No way I'm coming out here", but I eventually decided I wasn't going to hide who I was. And yeah, they were a bit weirded out by it. But they were weirded out by it because they had never actually known anybody gay. And as they got to know me as a gay guy, they gradually came around. Yeah, some people got a bit distant. And it's not like they didn't toss some lame jokes my way. I remember one customer hadn't paid his bill awhile, and one guy I worked with cracked "We should send Lex over to see if he can offer him something to get him to pay his bill." I just shrugged and said, "Hey, unless he buys dinner first, nothing's gonna happen." We all laughed, and that was it.

Every place is different, of course. But it's been my experience that most mildly homophobic people are like that simply because there hasn't been anyone there to challenge those thoughts and beliefs. And once there is, they suddenly start changing.

Lex

 

Hi and welcome to EC

I am probably not the most qualified person on EC to give coming out advice, but there is one thing I keep noticing constantly, either here or in real life, it's that most people who are doing random homophobic comments can completly change their mind about gay people when one of their loved ones come out to them. Most people who do random homophobic comments usualy do that out of ignorance without realizing they could be hurting someone close, but most of them turn out to be loving and supportive when they discover someone they care about is gay.
If you think your parents are going to be supportive, it's probably going to be the case.
You shouldn't be too worried about what they're going to think of you, because when you'll be out to them, I'm sure they'll realize that you're still the same son you've always been.
Now, coming out is not a race, you have to do it at your own pace, when you feel ready for it. The hardest steps are the first ones. Maybe you can start coming out to a friend that you trust and see how it feels. That also would be great for you to have some support.
Last but not least, some people do come out much later in life, so you're life is definitly not screwed up because you're 23 and still in the closet. You still have all your life ahead, there is no rush, just take one step at a time and it's going to be fine.
Take care (*hug*), Cécile

 

Choose carefully, and just start with one person you can tell. This is often an opposite-sex friend, because it avoids the concern that the person will think you like them, which complicates the process a little.

Anyway, your options are certainly not limited to "come clean to everyone right away," and "never tell anyone." Consider a particular case: who would you feel the most comfortable telling? Are you ready to tell that person?

If you aren't ready, what do you think you need, in order to be ready?

 

Man, you pretty much just summed up my life (minus being a mechanic). I'm also 23 years old. From a very small town, where everyone throws homophobic comments around (friends and family). My family is also very religious which gives that extra twist to things. I've told one friend so far and that's it (and they were extremely supportive). I also haven't been with any other guys, other than a quick kiss when I was in college last year. Basically, I feel your pain. I really do. And I completely understand where you are coming from when you talk about living a lie. It is hard, and honestly it's not healthy. It is so mentally draining. Always wondering if people are questioning your sexuality, stressing about what would happen if ____ found out...then hearing all these derogatory comments about "fags" really doesn't help either. I have made a pact to myself (and my friend) that I am coming out to my parents this year (who I also live with). I am moving out this September to begin college on the other side of the country. I'm hoping to come clean in August, that way if it all falls apart (which is what I'm expecting--worst case scenario of course) then at least I only have a few weeks to deal with it before starting fresh. I know it might not be the best idea, sort of running away, but due to my small town, no colleges here and other reasons, it seems like the best plan for me. I also considered not telling them and "experimenting" in college, but I've tried that already and that honestly stressed me out more than anything (talk about double-life!) What kind of options do you have? I do suggest telling someone you know (or really, really, REALLY hope) will understand and accept you. It has helped me sooooooo much. Anyways man, I can relate! You are definitely not alone.

 

Haha you're not a girl but I think I'll post this video of tips up for any girls who don't think they look gay enough!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HVt1BkJm_KY

 

Wow, I can relate to much of what this guy said, but he's no longer a member? That's a shame since maybe we could've helped him or he could've made progress which might have inspired others. I'm sad about this even though I never knew him

Good luck, shyguy88

 

I know this is an old post, but was curious on how things are 9 years later. I too, am a gay mechanic that everyone assumes is straight and am going through the same dilemma you were.

 

Hey!

I was a diesel mechanic for 20 years before becoming a truck driver. Unfortunately early arthritis that’s hereditary in my family ended my wrenching career. I lived straight for a very long time. So much so I was afraid that I actually got married and had kids. I was afraid of my parents, friends, ect reactions. I am significantly older than you and when I grew up being gay was 100% not acceptable and was essentially viewed as a death sentence because of aids. I divorced and came out at 38 coming out to my parents at 40 was my last hurdle. And with that well behind me. I can say. I only lost one friend. A few co workers that I run into from time to have have their opinions but it’s not something we discuss at work and we get the work done and move on.

MY JEHOVA’s Witness parents even took it well and have been very accepting. A lot of the worry is in our minds.

I still listen to country and metal music, still like hunting, fishing, mud bogs, jacked up trucks and auto-sports. Still dress and act the same. Only thing that changed was who I date. If you know you’re gay. The only one stopping you from living that life is you. The ones who aren’t there after weren’t really there for you before.

by all means don’t come out if it means you won’t be safe or would make you homeless. Only you can make a decision as to whether it’s time or not. Took me 38 years. And my life has been happier and fuller since.

hope this helps man. Feel free to message me anytime if you need someone to talk to.

 

See the post above. Meant to get you in the reply.