For the longest time, I thought I was cis. Now, I’m not so certain. This all started when me and my prospective girlfriend were exploring a mutual feminization kink. She called me princess and things like that. Anyway, after a while, I had realised that I wasn’t getting anything sexual out of it. I just really liked the thought of being her girlfriend. She also realized that I think, and I think she sees me as a girl now. I would get really happy when she asked if she could use she/her pronouns to describe me. And I flat out blushed when we talked about going shopping for clothes together and her doing my hair and make up. It was at this point I realised I might not actually be that cis. I wanted at that moment and still do now, that I want to be her girl. What’s going on with me?
First off, do you have a “Girl Name”? Like do you have a persona that you ‘become’ when she does these things of hair and makeup, or when she suggests going shopping? You already enjoy her using She/Her pronouns for you, that’s something that I think most of us have happen, we have close friends that use what our preferred pronouns are even before we know them. Don’t panic over this, you’re simply becoming you. The next steps would be living as your girl self for short periods of time first, like going out to events or dinners(if you’re able to, I know that not all places have open restaurants). But let yourself become her, even if it’s for short periods of time. Before I came into my own, I had a “girl name” that I would use when I ‘became’ me for the night, or for a show. My old self would let the go of the reigns and Frankie came out, especially the three Halloweens before I came into my own. You’re well on the way to the discovering yourself. We all have our own journeys, so you’re won’t exactly be how mine has gone.
I actually do. My female persona is Jacqueline, or Jackie, that being the gender bent version of my name, Jacques.
That’s wonderful. Now I’ll reiterate it, let her out for a night. See how you feel as a person. Do you feel whole as her? If so, you very well may be trans. You can even treat it as almost a ‘game’ like “Jacqueline is coming over tonight” and yes, that is very much The Danish Girl but it works. I know it helped me. There would be nights where ‘Frankie’ made a visit, and she’d stay the night, sometimes longer if I didn’t have work the following morning. But I eventually became her permanently.
