1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

I need to tell him this week.

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Tartanskrt, Oct 12, 2020.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

Page 3 of 3
  1. Emily999

    Emily999
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2020
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    Surrey
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I’m in a very similar position
    34 year old married woman, 2 young kids madly in love with another woman, she has older kids and recently separated from her husband because of this.
    My husband knows but wants to keep the family together - won’t leave the home, I can’t afford to leave the home. Complete nightmare.
     
    #41 Emily999, Oct 28, 2020
  2. Tartanskrt

    Tartanskrt
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2019
    Messages:
    91
    Likes Received:
    62
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hi Emily
    I'm so sorry. I suspect mine will be much the same. I could be wrong but I suspect denial will be the response. I'm not even with anyone and I'm not about to tell him about my hopeless crush. Is there any way you could move in with her? Although that could be too much too soon I guess? Do you just sleep on the sofa? Have you tried counseling? You're very brave to have told him, I'm still so worried I'll just bottle it.
     
    #42 Tartanskrt, Oct 28, 2020
  3. chicodeoro

    chicodeoro
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 7, 2020
    Messages:
    857
    Likes Received:
    957
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    All but family
    Hang in there Tartan. It won't be long. Really, it won't.
     
    #43 chicodeoro, Oct 28, 2020
  4. Emily999

    Emily999
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2020
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    Surrey
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    No we sleep in the same bed
    It’s very awkward and sometimes out of pure desperation to feel something so I don’t rip my Children’s worlds apart I have slept with him ( always after some drinks - I don’t think I could do it sober ) only to wake the next morning in some sort of deep depression
    It’s so sad
     
    #44 Emily999, Oct 29, 2020
  5. Emily999

    Emily999
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2020
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    Surrey
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I don’t think counselling would help as I’m quite sure I’m gay
    I don’t think any amount of counselling is going to help
    No way of moving in with her, we have 4 kids between us all of varying ages and none of whom have met yet - it wouldn’t be fair
     
    #45 Emily999, Oct 29, 2020
  6. Really

    Really
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 11, 2014
    Messages:
    2,579
    Likes Received:
    753
    Location:
    BC
    Hey @Emily999

    That sounds so hard. I think you might want to reconsider therapy. It’s meant to help you deal with and work through the hard parts of your life not change who you are intrinsically. In the end, you’ll still be gay just more happily in control of your situation. As a gay woman. :}
     
    #46 Really, Oct 29, 2020
  7. Tartanskrt

    Tartanskrt
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Aug 17, 2019
    Messages:
    91
    Likes Received:
    62
    Location:
    Uk
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Oh Emily I don't envy you. I can't have sex with mine, I just can't bring myself to touch him at all.
    With the therapy thing I'm not doing it to fix the relationship, it's dead in the water and I'm gay so there's no fixing it but we need to work out a way to separate that minimises damage to the kids. Well first I need to get him to understand that it needs to happen. Therapy isn't always about trying to stay together it can help each of you work out your positions and for you can work together to achieve a solution, the solution doesn't necessarily have to be staying together.
    How does your female partner feel about all this? It can't be easy for her either.
     
    #47 Tartanskrt, Oct 29, 2020
  8. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2016
    Messages:
    4,300
    Likes Received:
    2,096
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi @Emily999, I agree with @Really on this - I knew that I was gay when I started therapy. I didn’t go to therapy to work out what my sexuality was. I went because I was feeling stuck and needed support to find a way forward.

    Is living on your own an option? I found sex with my ex to be like torture towards the end. It must really damaging to your mental health and it doesn’t seem that this sustainable. How do you think you’ll feel in a year from now?
     
    #48 LostInDaydreams, Nov 1, 2020
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2020
  9. Emily999

    Emily999
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2020
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    Surrey
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I am petrified I’ll feel the same in a year to be honest
    I’m more scared of feeling in this complete limbo state feeling like I’m in love with 2 people but in very different ways than the nightmare it might be to be without one of them.
    It’s so confusing and sounds ridiculous I know
     
    #49 Emily999, Nov 1, 2020
  10. Emily999

    Emily999
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 24, 2020
    Messages:
    46
    Likes Received:
    19
    Location:
    Surrey
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I wish I had the option of living alone but no I can’t as I don’t earn enough to rent and no landlords within hours of this place take people on benefits
     
    #50 Emily999, Nov 1, 2020
  11. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2016
    Messages:
    4,300
    Likes Received:
    2,096
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It doesn’t sound ridiculous, @Emily999. I think anyone would be confused and stuck in that situation. Therapy would be a good way to start finding a path towards becoming unstuck...
     
    #51 LostInDaydreams, Nov 1, 2020
    Last edited: Nov 1, 2020
    Frankie46 likes this.
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)
Page 3 of 3