I need to tell him this week.

All ok in the test. Thought it would be but you can't be too careful atm. I tried to talk to hubby but I got as far as saying I was deeply unhappy and he just sort of took over and started going on about how he's going to be a better dad and husband etc. I kept saying I didn't want him to change and that too much had changed already and we needed to accept we were two very different people but he didn't listen. He did agree to couples therapy in theory though and to try and touch me less. Therapy would at least give him someone to talk to and might help me to actually tell him the full truth. Just feel drained right now.

 

Thanks for the support everyone. Well, we have an appointment with a virtual therapist for next week. I was sent a questionnaire to fill out but it was all tick box demographics. I was brave though and ticked the lesbian box for the first time (there is no way to say that without it sounding like a pun is there, lol). Hopefully it'll help in some way and I will be a bit braver with someone else in the conversation

 

And he's cancelled the appointment and moved it to the 12th. No idea why. The way I feel right now I might just blurt it out

 

Hi. He moved the appointment. He picked a poor date but I was happy to do what was needed to make it work but he refused. I suspect it's a delaying tactic to be honest.
Yes I want to tell him the truth but he will barely let me speak at the moment, it's all about how he's going to change. He's not actually going to but he panics when I tell him how I feel and then won't listen.

 

Thank you everyone who has replied. I know the sensible thing to do is to wait until the session and I will do that, as much as a huge part of me just wants to deal with it all now I know that's not the sensible way and to be honest my hot headed side rarely comes out. There's probably more danger of me not saying anything in the therapy session that there is of me blurting everything out to him before it. I do think I will have to tell him about my sexuality because otherwise he is always going to think there is a way back and there really isn't. There can't be now. I have no desire to be with him or any man and that is it. I would rather be a spinster with cats than ever touch a man again, so that's that. I just need to be patient and live life as best I can and then tell him at the right time and in the best way I can manage.

 

Thanks everyone. I've checked the links in the emails I was sent and there isn't an option to provide additional information or speak to the counsellor before the appointment so I'm going to just have to wait and see I guess. It's through relate so I'm assuming they just assign you someone at random. I've been doing quite a lot of writing down what I need to say. I find it hard because it all sounds so harsh and selfish BUT he hasn't exactly been a great husband either in so many ways and I cannot continue like this or I will end up miserable as hell and I'm not willing to do that to myself or my kids.

 

Hey. Thanks for checking on me. Yeah I'm fine. Still gay, still fed up to the back teeth of this sham of a marriage and still looking like an alarmingly high functioning adult from the outside.