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I've decided to distance myself from my religious homophobic friend, it hurts but probably worth it?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Adymoe, Oct 21, 2020.

  1. Adymoe

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    I've posted about my friend in the past and hes only gotten worse. This friend has always been homophobic around me and after I came out to him he started calling me a faggot and would get upset if I talked about anything gay in front of him. He's a younger friend (18)...and his church has brainwashed him into thinking gays go to hell for their sin, he hates pride month, he doesn't like straight porn because there's dicks in it, etc. He is very strict on his religious views and despite how young he is he thinks he has to start a family and get married ASAP.

    So the reason this friend threw me off at first was because despite his homophobia, he is so flirty around me. He is very touchy with me, tells me I'm cute and hot and jokes about sex and marriage with me. The part that gets me is that I've caught him staring at me a few times and the one time I asked him why he was looking at me he told me I have a cute face. I've caught him checking out shirtless guys in public too a couple times. He got his first girlfriend a few months ago and tells me he can't even cum when having sex with her but blames the condom for the reason (who knows maybe he's right). Anyways I've finally realized that this guy is either playing with me or he's got some serious internalized homophobia going on but it's probably best that I step away from him. Why should I feel the need to be around someone that talks me down like that when we're supposed to be friends. And why tolerate someone who would act so gay around me and then attack gays. He isn't as flirty with me since I came out to him but I haven't been around him as much anyways due to COVID. He also told me one time before I came out to him that it's weird that I let my other gay friends hug me because he would assume they are attracted to him this guy is so paranoid about anything gay...

    In my previous posts you thought he was struggling with his own sexuality and to be careful with him so I gave him another chance but he's too big of a mess at this point, I finally decided to distance myself. Of course he's offended by it....
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    He sounds toxic, in my opinion the best thing to do is get rid of all toxic people from your life. It does not matter to me why anyone is toxic only that I have to get away from the toxicity.

    Just an observation. Every church that I have heard of which condemns homosexuality also condemns premarital sex. Like every zealot I have met he is a hypocrite, he has made his god in his own image to hate all the things that he hates and permit whatever he wants.
     
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  3. Lucy Marie

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    I have to start with the required I am sorry. I am so very sorry to you, to Quiet Peace and every other one of who has been shamed, mocked, ignored, etc by “Christians”. Any person tries to tell you that they know better than you, than GOD, will be judged as we all be. Ignore them. Let them hate. Live well. Find love, give love. A LARGE part of who I am is a Child of God and this is upsetting. God loves you and me. I don’t want to be dismissed as Christian nut—please know...not all who believe hate. Thank you. ((momhugs)) specifically to you and Quiet Peace.

    Moving on,
    Your friend has larger problems. I read your note and I am trying to think of a nice way to say this...I think your friend likes the attention of being gay. Being flirty. The grass is always greener and what not. AND it is a way for friend to connect with you. Be something more than just a friend, but not in a romantic relationship. It is not healthy for either. However, he has this other life that comes down on a lifestyle that he has been told it is wrong.
    He is playing both ends. Take advantage of virus like you have. Step back. Be you. Live your best life. He is unhappy and there is nothing you can do. Step back. Watch what he does.
    You are better than this. You are YOU and that is amazing. You do not need his games. You have tried and.....he is him. Use social distancing. You do not need his BS. This is where I recommend slowly backing away.
    It is difficult to lose friendships, but toxic—but it seems like you should.
    Let us know how it plays out. Find friends who support you in your journey. Make virus do something good.
    It sucks. But you have people who are true and supportive here. Take a deep breath. Center yourself.
    One final note: your friend is young and easily swayed. Maybe life will help him see the world more clearly.
    Keep us posted. ((momhugs))
     
  4. mlansing

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    I think it is a good idea to distance yourself from this person, and just know that you are not alone. I have used covid as an excuse to distance myself from a long-time friend who I feel has become toxic for me. Like your friend, he has picked up on it and is not happy about it, and it has been difficult for me but at the same time I am proud of myself for having the courage to walk away and not put up with his bad behavior anymore.

    It is hard to move on from a friend, but this sounds almost like he is more of a bully to you than a friend. That’s how I ultimately felt about my friend, and I don’t consider bullies friends. It is hard, but moving on in both of our cases I think will be worth it in the long run.
     
  5. zuice

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    It appears that he is disrespectful of you. One must be very careful and avoid being around toxic people because they can destroy your dreams. Practice Sense Distancing. If you have a sense someone is emotionally hurting you, distance them from your life as soon as possible.
     
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  6. Lucy Marie

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    Sense Distancing! I love it, very clever.
    ((momhugs))
     
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  7. RD Spencer

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    Its tough and draining to be around homophobic behavior. Even when we think we can just brush it off deep down it still takes a toll on us and It can cause a lot of negativity in us.


    Some of my brothers are the same way and one in particular seems to be getting worse. I have decided stay out of contact with them. This is one of the reasons I have never came out to my family.
     
  8. Chip

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    Your friend sounds like a closet poof. However, he's got a lot of internalized homophobia and self-hatred, which he's projecting in your direction. For your own peace of mind and mental health, you need to distance yourself. Once your fairy friend acknowledges being light in the loafers, you can let him back into your life. :slight_smile:
     
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  9. Cocoaspice

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    I’m pretty young and don’t know much about life and like stuff in general...but he doesn’t seem like a good person to be around. If he’s calling you the f-slur and is quite homophobic then I wouldn’t consider him a safe person to be around. Step away for your own safety. Hope you are doing okay!