I recently figured out I’m bisexual. I’m trying to process it and not let it effect me negatively. I start back at school soon and I think the school has LGBTQ+ support groups. My friend is openly Pansexual and I dont know if its necessary to discuss this with him as I feel like its no ones business. It would help though to help process but I don’t know if I’m even ready to tell people, if I even need to. I followed Bi related accounts on Social media so people from school can see that. I have more things going on at the moment but struggling to accept my bisexuality. Any advice on how to process or how to move forward. I’m looking at books to read etc....
Sexual orientation and coming out are both hugely personal. If you don’t want to come out as bisexual, you don’t have to. If you do want to come out, it doesn’t have to be a matter of saying “I’m bisexual.” Sometimes it’s just letting yourself be who you are—expressing interest in both men and women. Mentioning that a woman is attractive. More often than not, my own coming out consisted entirely of “I have a girlfriend/fiancée/wife” and there’s nothing wrong with that. Like you, I don’t feel like my sexuality is anyone else’s business but, if asked, I’m open about it. If you’re comfortable, I’d encourage you to talk to your friend about it. It doesn’t have to be an in-depth conversation if you don’t want it to be. I understand that it feels like it’s not anyone’s business—and it doesn’t have to be if you don’t want it to be!—but coming out isn’t really about making your sexuality someone else’s business. It’s saying “This is who I am and I want you to know.” Letting other people know who we are can be scary, but it can also be incredibly freeing.
It's something that seems to come in stages, I've found. It's different for everyone, and there's no determined amount of time in which to fully embrace who you are. Be gentle with yourself and give yourself time to fully process it. I know how surreal and sometimes frightening it can be, that realization that you're not straight as you once believed. I think it comes down to a lot of us being raised in societies where heterosexual=normal and everything else was considered bizarre, but the important thing to understand is, other orientations are just as normal. Your sexual orientation doesn't define you as a whole--it's merely another piece of the puzzle that is you. You could try watching bisexual coming out videos or any other bi-related content online. One book I thought was really cute (it's either middle-grade or young adult; the MC is 12/13) is Star-Crossed by Barbara Dee. It's very coming of age and I think it might ease any feelings of shame or insecurity you might be feeling. Otherwise, if you ever want to chat, I'm happy to listen.
You don't have to tell anyone anything if you don't want to, or if you're not ready. You don't have to tell everyone "Hey, I'm bi!" if you don't want to. Like Aspen said, you can just go about being you and just not hiding it anymore if that's how you want to do it.
