My past two "official" boyfriends, I have not found attractive. I liked their personality but really didn't get turned on by them. I also didn't much enjoy the sex (though we only did it a handful of times..due to the pain and me not liking it). And I had said these things out loud when talking to friends, saying maybe I should look for a guy who is more like my "usual type" (tall and lanky). I just thought I was very specific in what I like sexually in terms of physicality, but recently I have had sort of a revelation that I might find girls attractive and want to be with them romantically? It's literally been a week since this thought has come into my head. But the more I think about it the more I could see myself holding hands, kissing, cuddling, and making out with a girl. It's all I can think about now- "do I find her attractive in *that* way? What about her? Did I have a crush on this friend?" and so on and so forth. But I'm nearly 25 so why now? I know no one can really give me a straight answer, but some guidance or other people's perspective could be helpful. thanks!
I am hearing two issues here. One is that you have had trouble sexually with the men who you have tried it with. It could simply be that you were not sufficiently aroused because of you lack of real attraction or interest in them. It is also possible that you have some physical issue, you might want to see a doctor or sex therapist about that. The other is about coming to terms with same sex attraction. It is not that unusual for it to take someone until later in life to discover this. Almost everywhere in the world it is considered at least unusual and in many/most places totally unacceptable to be attracted to ones own gender/sex. This programs us to push it down. Some people do not discover it until much later than you have. My advice here is to just go ahead and date and explore, just see what happens.
I was a couple of years older than you when I started questioning my sexuality, and like you, I did contemplate this question. I have some ideas, but I don’t really have a concrete answer and I am ok with that because it’s not the when that matters. Your age doesn’t make your questioning or sexuality any less valid. What matters is how you feel now, not what you have done or thought in the past, but what you feel now and what you want for yourself going forward. I was in a long term heterosexual relationship when I was questioning, so I have experience of heterosexual sex too and I wasn’t really attracted to my ex either. As @QuietPeace said, it might be worth getting the pain you experienced checked out by a medical professional. For me, it was more boring than it was repulsive, and not something that I ever really wanted to do. Keep posting. I hope you find EC helpful.
thank you all, I really appreciate it! I have always thought that you either just deny it about yourself or you've known forever. maybe that's just the way it's portrayed in the media. But it's great to know i'm in good company!
