So I woke up this morning and was entertaining myself with a particularly enjoyable and vivid daydream, it was a new scenario I hadn't considered before and it was great fun, but I digress. My husband then rolled over and put his arms round me and pulled his body up against me. I felt immediately sick and scared. His body just felt so wrong. The rough skin, the hair, the male parts. I was literally frozen in place and felt like I had to keep totally still or I might actually be sick. My knees were already hanging over the edge of the bed so I couldn't pull away. There is nothing physically wrong with my husband, he's actually a pretty good looking and physically fit guy, I should feel lucky. Is there any way to overcome this? It never used to feel this bad. Maybe I just need to face the fact that my desire for physical intimacy with a woman had taken over and there is no way back. I feel so guilty though. He didn't ask for this and he deserves better.
Hi. I personally could not stay drunk long enough to not be repulsed, so it was either ditch the relationship or the liver. I’m happy to report that I am happy without a man and have a liver that anyone would be proud of. You’re either going to have to convince the husband that your suddenly into full latex body suits With a blind fold fetish or perhaps have ‘the chat’. You do seem to be existing in a parallel universe to myself and I can tell that it’s eating you up. Hope you have a great Saturday. Frankie x
My experience was very similar to yours. At end of my heterosexual relationship I could not stand her even touching me. I did everything possible to avoid intimacy in any manner. She like was husband was attractive and before I started to acknowledge my same sex attraction we had a somewhat robust sex life. All that changed as embraced my attraction to men. For me that desire took over and the only solution was to leave. I was not even capable of physical intimacy with her at the end. The idea of it frankly became disgusting to me and the thought gross. It has been three years and I miss nothing about that old life. You are right our straight partners don’t serve it but life is not always fair.
Thank you both for your replies. I think I already knew the chances are that no I'm not going to get over it. The more time that's gone on the more I'm feeling like I just have to tell him but that doesn't make it easier. At least it gives him a chance of meeting someone else and it might help with my guilt. If I can tell him I feel like I can tell other people, I think this is what I need to concentrate on, the toughest bit. I've given up trying to kid myself on most levels now. I know exactly what I want in painfully perfect detail and this isn't it. For the first time in my life I'm not confused. In fact as hard as this feels it's also incredibly clear. That dream felt so natural and so good and then when he touched me it just felt so wrong. Maybe I should attempt draft 124 of a letter to tell him how I feel? Maybe I should just accept there is no right way to tell someone it's over? Maybe I should stop being such a coward because if I don't I'm never going to ever be with a woman and the thought of that just makes me feel so incredibly sad.
From my experience, no. I don’t think you can manufacture desire. My experience was similar to yours. I felt that I had no choice but stay with my ex for quite some time, so I tolerated being intimate with him, which I would not recommend. My reaction varied, so sometimes I was almost sick and once I actually did vomit. I also fell asleep many times and a lot of times I couldn’t help but push him away. Towards the end it did feel like torture and I think my ex was aware that I did not enjoy, so we didn’t have sex or even kiss for the last year or so of our relationship. Drafting a letter sounds like a great idea. Even if you don’t eventually tell him via a letter, going through the process of writing it all down will probably help you to clarify what you want to say to him.
Hi Tartan you’re no more of a coward than anyone else on here. This is an incredibly hard road that we are on and not one that I would of necessarily chosen if given the option. Saying that, the world is now full of delicious opportunities should I have the nerve to go for it. Get your pen out, draft 124 may just be the one. Frankie x
The way to get over it and to not hurt him any more than necessary is to be honest with him and move on... It can take time to get to that point and it's much easier to say it needs to be done than to actually do it. Give yourself some grace as you move through this process, but remember that it is OK to move toward a new phase of life that does not involve staying together.
