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Just some thoughts as a bisexual

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Omegduh, Oct 6, 2020.

  1. Omegduh

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    I feel really depressed as a bisexual women seeing statistically most of us ending up with men. I am not here to bash or discriminate bisexuals who are in opposite sex relationships but this is just a vent. It feels like it’s rare to see a bisexual women in a same sex relationship or the relationship with another women is often short or even a fling. I know this is a stereotype but I don’t find fulfillment in a relationship with a man. With women, it’s an opposite story. I find more fulfillment in a relationship with a woman. I’m not sure if it’s due to the relationships with guys I was in, but I forced myself to conform to the heteronormative idea of what a relationship is.
    I dated a few men that I was not sexually or romantically all that attracted to in order to prove something about myself. Perhaps to feel “normal” or what not. I thought it was what I was supposed to do. I’ve begun dating women now and I can say it’s the happiest I’ve been in a while. It feels more natural for me. I’m not sure if it’s due to my masculine personality and presentation. That would be heteronormative thinking. But I have found that the relationships I have found to be the most fulfilling we’re with women, whether it be platonic or romantic.

    I know it may seem like I am putting the love between two women on a pedestal and seeing a heterosexual relationship as “lesser”. They’re both equal in my eyes but I find that I am most fulfilled and happiest with another women. If I were to choose between the two, I’d pick another women over a man.

    Sometimes I get those ugly internalized homophobic thoughts in my head about being with another women. Sometimes I feel as if I ought to be with a man instead or what is the point of being with another women if society doesn’t like it. I know that this is due to years of homophobic retoric being tossed around me and lesbian relationships not being taken as seriously by people around me. Lesbian was used as an insult by my mother towards women who were “ugly” and bisexuality was seen as something that was “made up” or a phase. Having that said around me really put me in the closet, along with the fear of homophobic slurs thrown my way.
    I know the risks I’ll be facing when I date other women. Homophobes will think I’m “disgusting” or “going to hell” for whom I’m attracted to. I know lesbophobic insults will be thrown my way and my relationship will be fetishized. It’s not my fault that it will happen. It’s society’s fault for thinking that way. I know things have gotten better and the general attitude towards gay and bisexual folk has been in a more positive light, but I still know there are risks. I am willing to take them though. Just gotta keep my head high and keep moving forward. I made some progress but I did take a few steps back. I’ll work through the heteronormative mindset and internalized homophobia that has plagued my brain since I was a child.
     
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  2. Shorthaul

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    At a certain point you have to do what makes you happy, and if being in a relationship with another woman is more fulfilling to you than you should pursue that option.
     
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  3. QuietPeace

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    I think that as far as your own relationships you should go with what feels best for you and from what you have said that really seems to be with a woman.

    As far as feeling bad about other bisexuals relationship, I feel that part of your problem is projection. Just because you have forced yourself to be with men does not mean that most bisexual women are forcing themselves and are unhappy. It is statistically probably that half of all bisexual women lean towards preferring men and that assuming they are with a decent person they are very happy to be with that man. Even, as is true in my case, for those who prefer women they might be with a man who they really care about and are also very happy in the relationship. Let other people be in whatever relationships they are and concentrate on finding one that is right for you.
     
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  4. Omegduh

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    That’s very true and I have to keep that in mind. Projection is a bit of a flaw of mine which I need to be aware of. I applaud bi girls who can have fulfilling relationships for men but it’s not for me. I hope you’re happy as well in your relationship. :slight_smile:
     
  5. Jakebusman

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    Somtimes I get upset as a Bi man
     
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  6. Omegduh

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    Same here as a bi woman because I’m unsure where I’m gonna end up in the future. Heteronormativity is pushed on to us and so it’s easy to end up in an opposite-sex relationship. Like I just wanna date women right now
     
  7. QuietPeace

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    Then that is what you should do and I hope that you have a good time with it. Maybe even find a woman who you can be in a long term relationship with.
     
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  8. BiGemini87

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    Pretty much nothing I can add that @QuietPeace hasn't already said; there's nothing wrong with female relationships working better for you. That's great, I'm glad you're able to find that fulfillment. But please don't pity other bi women in relationships with men. True, some of them might have settled, trying to maintain that "normality" thrust upon them by their family, peers, or society, but others are happy. Despite my longing to have an experience with another woman, I'm ultimately happy with my husband.

    To be honest, I've seen equal amounts of pressure on bisexual people to choose same-sex relationships over opposite because of this need to combat societal "norms", which I feel can be equally as harmful. In the end, it's all about finding who and what makes you happy, about love and/or fulfillment in whatever form that takes for the individual. Love and let love. :slight_smile:
     
  9. Omegduh

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    I appreciate that BiGemini. Thanks so much.
     
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  10. Bastion

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    I totally agree with both @BiGemini87 and @QuietPeace. I did say something similar on some posts. But sometimes it is easier said than done. I am convinced of this reasoning and logic, yet somehow I just get blocked by negativity and doubt and can’t take any action.
     
  11. Bastion

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    Hey @Jakebusman
    Am curious to know more about why you get upset as a bi man? If you would like to share that is?