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Talked to my dad regarding my sexuality

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Omegduh, Sep 9, 2020.

  1. Omegduh

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    So, I was talking to my dad and I mentioned that I worry (as I usually do) that I hope it doesn’t seem like I’m just going through a phase regarding my sexuality (we were talking about going through phases and what not) and he says to "keep my opportunities open in the future and don’t close any doors and don’t let me being gay change who I fundamentally am". I’m just embracing a part of who I am. It’s not all of what I am as a full person.
    I'm overall very confused by what he said. For the most part, he accepts me and was one of the first people to have suspicions I was gay since I was a wee child, but I also understand he may not know how to respond because he is heterosexual and does not know what it's like to experience same-sex attraction.
     
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  2. QuietPeace

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    I think that you need to talk to him further to get clarity on what he really meant.

    Generically the two parts of his statement are valid.

    Not closing doors is a good idea under normal circumstances.

    Not letting things change who you fundamentally are is also good (assuming that you are starting out as a decent person). This advise can apply to anyone who has started or revealed something new. Joining a fandom, getting a new hobby, getting into a new relationship, etc.

    But has he said these things because he thinks that being LGBT is likely to close off important things to you or that it will make you into a person that you might regret being? Only by checking with him can you be sure.
     
  3. quebec

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    Omegduh.....Hello and just in case no one else had said it...welcome to Empty Closets! Generally speaking, your dad's advice is not bad. He said: "keep my opportunities open in the future and don't close any doors" and that is pretty much always a good idea. Of course he could be trying to low-key tell you that you might "choose" to be straight in the future so don't come out strongly as gay now in case you need to change back to straight. Keeping doors open to opportunities in your future is a good idea, but we don't choose to be gay or straight so if you are gay then the door to that closet should be closed and behind you! :old_smile: He also said "don’t let me being gay change who I fundamentally am". Ok, but the difficulty here is that fundamentally you are gay. Indeed, being gay, or straight for that matter are only part of who you are. There is a lot more to everyone beside their sexuality. However, being gay is a part of who you are and in our society we have to be more aware of our sexuality when we are LGBTQ+. Our society is heteronormative so almost every day there will be something that reminds us that the society that we live in is not automatically friendly to who we are. We see straight couples kissing on billboards...but when was the last time you saw a gay couple kissing on a billboard? Wow...that would bring letters to the editor and protests to city hall as inappropriate for kids to see! So, if your dad is trying to encourage you and give you good life advice without trying to low-key say he wishes you were straight, then his advice is pretty good. You know him best so you'll have to decide that for yourself. Please remember that you are part of our LGBTQ+ Family and we do care...keep us updated on how this all works out!
    .....David :gay_pride_flag:
     
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  4. Vesta

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    Based on what you've said on your father's response, my interpretation is that he's simply explaining that it's ok to explore your sexuality, and to not worry about putting labels on yourself until you truly feel ready to do so.
     
  5. Omegduh

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    So, update on what my dad said. I asked him what he meant by saying to "keep my doors open and not letting me be gay change who I fundamentally am" and he replied "Don't fall victim to stereotypes you might hear as to what a gay person is". I'm definitely not trying to act as a "stereotype". There's more than one way a gay person may present themselves. I have been presenting myself in a more masculine way lately because they are clothes that I feel most comfortable in, plus purging my wardrobe of a lot of feminine clothing I had that I didn't like. He also said that "and don't think you have to act any differently than you do now, just because you're gay or straight or bi or whatever". I'm not trying to act any different, but people do grow and change with time. I'm not the exact same person I was 2 years ago. Plus, I'm just embracing this side of me that I repressed for so long.
     
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  6. QuietPeace

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    It sounds as if he is pretty supportive of you and of you exploring who you really are. If he starts to wonder about your clothing style just let him know that it has been your preference for some time and that now you just feel freer to do it. Also let him know that changing clothes does not change who you fundamentally are.
     
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  7. Omegduh

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    Thanks for the advice y'all :slight_smile:
     
  8. Jakebusman

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    Hope your ok
     
  9. Omegduh

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    I've been doing a bit better. Thanks for the concern :slight_smile:
     
  10. BiGemini87

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    I think, as long as you reassure him of this and point out that your change in wardrobe or what-have-you isn't directly linked to being out, he'll come around sooner or later. He sounds like a pretty good dad, to be honest, just looking out for your well-being (even if he's misinterpreted a thing or two).

    I know it might be frustrating, but try not to be too irritated with him. I think he just wants to make sure you're being true to yourself. :slight_smile:
     
  11. Jakebusman

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    What you been up to ?
     
  12. Omegduh

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    I've been okay. Just trying to manage to break my heteronormative mindset bubble. School has been keeping me busy so my mind isn't on it as much. I've been dealing with a bit of internalized homophobia, but trying to work on that.