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What is my orientation????

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Joelle b, Oct 2, 2020.

  1. Joelle b

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    I am sexual attracted to men. I think...
    I defiantly crave both sexual and romantic relationships with girls. And it’s different when I like them.
    Also I have been raised in a primarily anti gay/ lgbtq community. Because of this I wonder if I am just a lesbian who had been taught her entire life that she should be shy around and attracted to guys. So I dunno. What do you all think?
    XOXO
    Joelle
     
  2. Omegduh

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    Honestly I think it could go one of two ways:
    1. You could just be a lesbian. Who you have had crushes on (if any) may help determine this. Being only attracted to women is totally okay! Being gay is so natural.
    2. You could be bisexual with a preference for women. Bisexuality varies wildly from bisexual to bisexual. Some may be more attracted to one gender or another or experience equal attraction to both. There are also some bisexuals out there who have a "99/1" ratio where they are primarily attracted to one sex, but have an exception aka their partner.
    I also know that we as women are taught from a young age that we must be attracted to men cause it's considered the "norm". Plus if you don't feel like dating guys, don't feel pressured to and if a guy does come along later that you do like that's okay too. You can always try on a label to see if it fits you and can change them later if it no longer fits. Hope this helps!
     
    #2 Omegduh, Oct 2, 2020
    Last edited: Oct 2, 2020
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  3. BiGemini87

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    Largely what Omegduh said: I think it comes down to examining your feelings in as honest a way as possible. When you think of men in a sexual way, does it come naturally, or does it feel forced? Have you ever been emotionally invested in a guy before? Any strong, romantic feelings?

    Lesbian or bisexual, only you can decide what label feels right to you--if any label at all. Try not to think too hard on it, and let whatever feelings come run their natural course. :slight_smile:
     
    #3 BiGemini87, Oct 2, 2020
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  4. Joelle b

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    First of all— a million thanks to you two for answering!
    I have don’t know about crushes. When I was very little (8-10) I would ‘crush’ on a guy and me and my friends would giggle about that. Since then I have never crushed. I have tons of guy friends who I love tons and everyone teases me about them and it’s awkward sometimes to talk with them around people who expect I just am a total flirt. Also I’m pretty sure a few of them like me, cause of hormones and shit.
    For girls I notice and will appreciate their, ehm, qualities and stuff but I’ve never ‘crushed’ . I ‘think’ about guys sexually, but also I think about sex all the time because I’m a teenager with hormones. I desire girls more, with out a doubt— I want romantic relationships with them. For guys I want good relationship with them too, but I also deeply desire friendships because I live in a very isolated family and I have never really had any friends.
    Your responses have helped me and I found out I should have asked another question...
    At the moment I am pretty sure I have zero interest in romantic relationships with guys. I annoyingly think about sex a lot and I defiantly want to try it with guys for curiosity’s sake. I have been planning a while to come out to my parents only just to see what they think. I think a lesbian is what I identify with, but should I come out as bi just to lower the ‘blow’ ? I don’t want to disrespect people by using bi as a stepping stool. Is that bad? Do you think I would be easier for me to come out full on like an ice cold plunge or a dipping toes in the water?
    I know it’s before time, but if I come out as a lesbian eventually and end up actually falling for a guy some how will it be hard for me? Will people be like, we knew that you we just confused the entire time?
    Ok, I know, I’m not 15 for two months, but still, I wonder.

    I really could rave on forever about this but pretending to use the bathroom can only last so long and my parents don’t know.
    XOXO
    J
     
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  5. BiGemini87

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    I think, if you're not 100% sure of what you are (aside from not straight), it would be okay to come out and say you're not sure which applies, only that you know for certain you like girls. I don't know if coming out bi will lessen the blow as such (for some people, they don't take it seriously and assume it's a phase/bid for attention, for others they can't differentiate between the two anyway), but I think it's really up to you? I get the hesitation toward doing that (for the reasons I mentioned and more), but when you're not sure or think it's something that could apply to you/your attractions, I personally wouldn't hold it against you. :slight_smile:
     
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  6. Joelle b

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    Thanks :slight_smile: @BiGemini87 <3 XD
     
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  7. Omegduh

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    Honestly as someone who is probably bisexual, I don’t mind if you want to use it as a “stepping stone” until it’s safe for you to come out as lesbian. You’re still pretty young too but if you only feel attracted to women as a women, you’re a lesbian. Also if you’re unsure if you’re attracted to men, you can always use “sapphic” too which is kind of an umbrella term to describe women who are attracted to women. It includes lesbians and bisexuals.
     
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  8. Joelle b

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    thank you. I wasn't aware of that term <3
     
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