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How to cope with intrusive thoughts?

Discussion in 'General Support and Advice' started by Omegduh, Sep 29, 2020.

  1. Omegduh

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    Hi! You may have seen me here before and I am currently seeing a woman who I love dearly. Lately I have been dealing with a lot of intrusive thoughts about men partially due to a history with them in relationships and some things that were said to me that caused some self-doubt. My brain will try and make me think about sexual situations with men and hypothetical situations of being in relationships with them and they stress me out a ton. Sometimes they intrude when I am doing things with the girl I have been seeing and it stresses me to the point where I can't focus on enjoying myself with her.
    My thought train includes things like this:
    "You're just faking your attraction to women. You're just a straight girl in denial"
    "You just haven't tried hard enough with men. You need to find the right one"
    "What about all of your previous relationships with men? You enjoyed them right? They had to be better than what you're doing now"
    "This is pointless. You're gonna end up with a man anyways"
    Or I'll also be fantasizing about the future with a woman and a random man will pop up instead. The thing is though is that I want to end up with a woman in the future instead of a man. I feel I'd be most comfortable with a woman and I don't want to go back to men.

    What are some good ways to cope with these intrusive thoughts? I am currently seeing a counselor and I'm thinking about getting on anxiety medication.
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    Mindfulness has helped me with intrusive thoughts. It involves training yourself to "be in the moment" because when you are concentrating on what is happening right now you cannot be thinking about other things. It takes time and effort but it has helped a lot of people including me.

    A good starter book is

    Mindfulness for Beginners - Jon Kabat-Zinn

    also
    Calming your Anxious Mind - Jeffrey Brantley

    additional reading
    Stillness Speaks - Eckhart Tolle
    Wherever You Go, There You Are - Jon Kabat-Zinn

    The only anti-anxieties that I have been given are all addictive and if you have to take them every day you have to start increasing the dose. Benzodiazepams were never designed to be used on a continual basis. So I would recommend staying in therapy and working on reducing the thoughts without medications (even if you need them to help you at the beginning, and there is nothing to be ashamed of in needing the help)

    Just as an aside. I thought of myself as a lesbian for years. I never wanted to be with a man, and now I have a cis male boyfriend, life can be funny at times and things happen that we never expect. If you only ever end up with women though, there is nothing wrong with that.
     
  3. LostInDaydreams

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    Hi,

    I’m sorry that you’re experiencing this. You say that you have a counsellor, but have you told them about your intrusive thoughts? If not, that might be a good place to start. Maybe they can support you to find some strategies to manage your thoughts.
     
  4. alwaysforever

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    In addition to what people mentioned above, you can affirm positive thoughts and feelings to help quiet the negative ones. There are many ways of doing this, such as keeping a journal, such as a gratitude journal, or reading stories that have strong LGBTQ representation. Activities that take control back from internalized toxicity of other people.