61 and working through gender and sexuality issues?

LostInDaydreams · Sep 27, 2020

Beee said: ↑

Yyp, thats why im here. Just had to take 1 for the team...now im sitting outside alone smoking a cigar deep in thoughts. Found this site becUse i am in need of clarity. Am i gay or not? I think a simple validation would help. I did what i was supposed to do. What was expected of me. Nuclear family. School, married, kids. Btw im female. Specifically born female, married a male, home, kids, career. Whole 9 yards. Am i miserable? No. Do i feel i need to come out of the closet? No. Im not even sure im gay. But my thoughts haunt me. I dream about being with women. I fantasize it. I watch lesbian porn. You can say I'm a boob girl. Always have been since i was a kid. But i never realized it then. I didnt pursue it. In my 30s, after i was done having babies, i started to realize it. But i was busy raising a family, growing a career, making home. Now as an empty nester, I'm left with my thoughts and a horny hubby. I think if the right woman came along i mihhtve taken it. But i was raised strictly. Catholic. And now frustrated. And dont get me wrong; its not just the sex part. Ive had plenty of girl crushes. I feel like i can relate to a female partner more than a male. But i havent proven that yet. Im also tomboyish. I taught my hubby to be a gentleman. Somehow i can relate to being a man. So im not sure what i am and its frustrating. I give it up to you for pursuing it now. Im definitely not brave enough. Mostly because i just dont know for certain.
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Hi @Beee and welcome to EC.

You’ve come to the right place. As you’ve realised, you’re not alone. I was in a long term heterosexual relationship when I started questioning my sexuality, so I can relate to some of what you’ve described here. When everything is uncertain and other people are involved, it can be hard to contemplate making changes.

If you’re looking for input on your own situation, I would recommend starting a new thread. I hope you find the support that you’re looking for at EC.

JessNC · Sep 29, 2020

Beee said: ↑

Yyp, thats why im here. Just had to take 1 for the team...now im sitting outside alone smoking a cigar deep in thoughts. Found this site becUse i am in need of clarity. Am i gay or not? I think a simple validation would help. I did what i was supposed to do. What was expected of me. Nuclear family. School, married, kids. Btw im female. Specifically born female, married a male, home, kids, career. Whole 9 yards. Am i miserable? No. Do i feel i need to come out of the closet? No. Im not even sure im gay. But my thoughts haunt me. I dream about being with women. I fantasize it. I watch lesbian porn. You can say I'm a boob girl. Always have been since i was a kid. But i never realized it then. I didnt pursue it. In my 30s, after i was done having babies, i started to realize it. But i was busy raising a family, growing a career, making home. Now as an empty nester, I'm left with my thoughts and a horny hubby. I think if the right woman came along i mihhtve taken it. But i was raised strictly. Catholic. And now frustrated. And dont get me wrong; its not just the sex part. Ive had plenty of girl crushes. I feel like i can relate to a female partner more than a male. But i havent proven that yet. Im also tomboyish. I taught my hubby to be a gentleman. Somehow i can relate to being a man. So im not sure what i am and its frustrating. I give it up to you for pursuing it now. Im definitely not brave enough. Mostly because i just dont know for certain.
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A part of the equation is always about what would come next? If I now know this about myself, or its at least something that keeps coming up, and if I act on it, what then? Where would I start?

Moxely · Mar 20, 2021

JessNC said: ↑

I have identified as male (well, I fit the part mostly but have never been aggressively masculine) and been in a hetero marriage most of my adult life. I have had same sex and trans female sexual fantasies occasionally for most of that time while also being attracted to females and having ok sex life in my marriage. For a number of reasons sex in the marriage became rare over the past several years and crossdressing/gender identity and interest in sex with men have become significant matters for me. I am working with a helpful therapist and (in the last few days) started talking to my partner about these issues.

It seems somehow odd to be wrestling with these things at 61. Any others have relevant experience to share?
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I’m approaching 60 and in a similar situation. Was there a moment you knew that you were more than curious? Do you feel it necessary to go beyond your fantasies?

61 and working through gender and sexuality issues?

LostInDaydreams
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JessNC
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Moxely
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61 and working through gender and sexuality issues?

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LostInDaydreams
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