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What age is appropriate to date at 19?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Joe2001, Sep 11, 2020.

  1. Joe2001

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    I'm 18 just now, turning 19 in 2 months.

    I asked about dating people of a certain age when I was 16. Since I'm over 2 years older now, things have changed (not least since I'm a legal adult now).

    My thought is still kinda the same although I respect that anything significant is out of the question. My preferences are guys in their early 20s. I still blatantly refuse to date anyone who is younger than me, even by a day. Would you say that's harming my chances? I just don't want someone behind me in life nor do I want someone from the vapid, social media obsessed generation that is just below me (seriously, my sister is 2 years younger and it feels like we're a full generation apart, people my age still use Facebook while they don't and go for Snapchat!).

    Anyway, at 18 going on 19, what age can I date without it looking wrong? I obviously want to keep it realistic and reasonable.

    One side note - I've noticed that gay relationships seem to have age gaps more often than not. Is that just because there are less options?

    Thanks & happy weekend.
     
  2. Omegduh

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    I'm the same age as you are and my current age range I feel comfortable dating is between 18 to 23, so around the typical college age.
     
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  3. Joe2001

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    Sounds kinda similar to me. I'm not sure how people would view me though if I dated someone that was 21, 22 or 23.
     
  4. Omegduh

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    Honestly, no one would bat an eye. I dated a 21 year old this year and no one minded. You’re all good my dude.
     
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  5. Chip

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    somewhere in the 18 to 23 range is sensible. I'd work on getting over the idea of not dating someone any younger; that sounds like a control issue that isn't necessarily helpful to you or anyone. Since you are going to be 19, it should be fine to date someone who is 18. I wouldn't go younger than that.
     
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  6. Joe2001

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    What do you mean by a control issue in this context? I did explain in the OP why I dislike people younger than me.
     
    #6 Joe2001, Sep 11, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2020
  7. HM03

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    I agree with the 18-23 range.

    While I agree to some extent (the older you are, the more mature and wiser you hopefully are) I think that you may be applying sweeping generalizations to an entire group of people. Most people find their siblings annoying, so I'd try not base much on her and her friends. I'm a bit older than you - some people I know frequently post on social media and reply super quick, others disappear and occasionally reemerge. It just depends on the person.
     
  8. Destin

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    18-21 I'd say. I think 22+ is a little too far. When I was 22 I saw the 19 year old's in a completely different way than I did when I was 19, and most of the people I knew agreed that something very significantly changes around age 21 in how we think which makes it more difficult to relate to teenagers.
     
    #8 Destin, Sep 11, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 11, 2020
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  9. Joe2001

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    I was thinking that would probably be the case. Ultimately my view is that folks older than a certain age who want to date 18/19 year olds probably aren't the mature, well-adjusted type I'd be looking for - after all, I used to have a friendship with a total man-child who was 2 years older than me and it did go to show that age doesn't exactly equal maturity (this person didn't even have the guts to admit that he didn't want to be friends any more and when he finally replied to me after a month, admitted that he was purposely ignoring my messages and wanted to move on).

    Plus, 22+ are often done with uni/college. I don't know if I could date someone that is at a different stage of life, not now anyway.
     
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  10. Joe2001

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    I have other reasons for wanting to avoid anyone younger which I didn't mention in the OP. I never said that my sister was annoying but I can't really relate to her way of life. The comparison between my generation using FB while hers use Snapchat is definitely a valid one. And I do generally find that generation a bit vapid. Also like people who have achieved something in life - what does someone younger have to show?
     
  11. QuietPeace

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    Yes, excluding anyone means that you reduce the size of the pool and just by simple logic that means you have lower chances.

    If you are worried about what people are going to think about when you walk down the street holding your SO's hand then date a woman anywhere from 2 years younger than you up to your age. Since you are gay I assume you are going to date men and that is going to raise eyebrows anyway. I think that it is more important to be with someone that you get along with. My best relationship to date was with someone 20 years my senior. I have also been with someone 34 years my junior. If you are looking at a magic age spread then at your age someone no younger than two years below you (though here age of consent is an issue so 18) and no more than two years older is about the spread where most people will be ok with the age difference.

    Admittedly they are rare but there are individuals who have doctorate degrees by your age. On the other end of that my husband is not quite 24 and still has not finished their bachelor degree (they are disabled and that is interfering).
     
  12. PatrickUK

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    Does age matter? Yes, I'm afraid it does where people in your age group are concerned. An age gap of 5 years is probably about the maximum you should consider. Even if you are only hooking up with other guys, you should be wary of big age gaps.

    I know there are people out there who will say age doesn't matter and it's only a number, but that's really not true where very young people are concerned. In the overwhelming majority of cases a significant age gap introduces a serious imbalance into the relationship and when problems arise that imbalance becomes very apparent and almost impossible to overcome. I'm certainly not persuaded when people give examples of family members or friends who supposedly made age gaps like the one I referred to work.
     
  13. Joe2001

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    OK, 18-23 sounds reasonable. Was mostly worried that I would be advised not to date someone in their early 20s as that would create too small of a dating pool - basically just 19 year olds (no thanks to anyone that's 18).
     
    #13 Joe2001, Sep 12, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 12, 2020
  14. Canterpiece

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    Personally, as a 21 year old, my age range is 18 (if they're close to being 19, it's a little weird to me if they've just turned 18) - 23. I'm starting my last year of University soon and I'd prefer to date someone at a similar stage in life.
     
  15. resu

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    I would say 5 years is probably a maximum age gap, and I agree about sticking to 18 as a minimum so you don’t get into any legality issues. As others mentioned, rigidity like “not a day younger” could mean you dismiss some good choices, and there are many people older than you who would use the same arguments that you are not mature enough to date. Overall, just look for those in similar life stages so that you can interact as equals.
     
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  16. Joe2001

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    Surely there are no "good choices" that are younger than me? As I said in the OP, I don't hold a high opinion of those younger - too vapid & social media obsessed, I'd have no common ground at all plus I generally prefer people who have achieved something in life.
     
  17. resu

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    That could be hundreds or thousands of guys in just your location, so generalizations will overlook their individual differences. Overall, you are more likely to meet first and think about age second, so one big hurdle is putting yourself out there.
     
  18. Tightrope

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    In your age bracket, the spread is tight. I would not go any younger than 18. Please don't. Your "not one day younger" rule is harsh. I'd agree with others on 18 to 22 or 23.

    FWIW - in a decade, it will go 5 in either direction. In two decades, it will go 10 in either direction. The age spreads widen as people get older. When you're in the elementary age, even associating with someone who is more than 1 year older or younger isn't that common. I remember that my friends and I were not friends with people in other grades.
     
  19. Loves books

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    If I was 19 again I’d go anywhere from 17-24. A lot of people start college at 17 here. I do remember that when I was 24 I was spending a weekend with a bunch of 18-19 year olds and the overwhelming thought in my mind the entire weekend was how immature they were. I wouldn’t date someone that far below me but maturity differs from person to person.
     
  20. Canterpiece

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    Fittingly, I've been thinking about this recently. I am becoming gradually less able to relate to teenagers. This has become apparent to me after speaking to 18 year olds on dating apps, it just isn't quite the same in a way I can't yet fully explain. Strange how a stance can change after a mere few months.
     
    #20 Canterpiece, Nov 29, 2020
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2020
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