Hello Everyone, I may as well introduce myself. I'm feeling a little isolated and found this site by looking for some way to participate besides Reddit. I first came out as gay in 2002. I was briefly married, until the pressure built up and I couldn't take it anymore. I went through the whole "second adolescence" phase and everything, and had a great time. However, since then, there have been periods when I've convinced myself that maybe I'm bi, and have tried to be in relationships with women, but of course it never works out. The difference is just too strong. Unfortunately, that means I'm still dealing with some issues of repression and acceptance. I find it mildly embarrassing to still be less than fully accepting of myself at my age, but it is what it is. I'm planning to finally address this with my therapist, since self-acceptance seems to magically make anxiety and depression disappear. Funny how that works. Finally, I'm currently in a rural area in Wisconsin but hope to be able to move to a gayer area at some point, once my career-related midlife crisis has run its course, but that is tangential. (For most of my adult life I've worked in the IT industry, but a couple of years ago decided to ditch it all and work in EMS. For various reasons, I've reconsidered.) Anyway, thanks for reading and I look forward to participating.
Hello! Welcome to EmptyClosets. Feel free to contact me, or any of the other staff members, in case you need any help or assistance. Thank you for sharing your story. Self-Acceptance can be hard. I myself went through more than a decade of questioning before I accepted myself wholly. I'm glad you have access to a therapist. I find your journey from IT to EMS interesting! May I ask what prompted the change? Most people I know who make the change from IT to another industry normally do that due to high-pressure, busy work environments which they want a change from. But I guess EMS is high-pressure, busy work environment as well, so I'm curious. .
Hi Ram90, My therapist actually discharged me recently since, thankfully, I've sort of outgrown him when it comes to anxiety and depression. I think I'll be fine once I start going out again, make some friends, and a dating profile but I do want to cover the territory just in case. Especially dealing with family. As for IT and EMS, I don't mind the high-pressure environment at all. One of my favorite IT jobs was as a Linux sysadmin in a trading firm. However, most of the time I felt I was just sitting around making money for other people while being underpaid and not treated as adding much value to the company. My last job was in VOIP (Asterisk/FreePBX) and I got sick of the work environment and felt that I needed more meaning and purpose in my life, and maybe a more active job. In the end, though, I decided that EMS is not for me. I worked in a small-town 911 service and it was definitely interesting, but in the US at least, it's a dead-end job that's very physical, and I missed the mental work and creative problem solving of IT. In EMS, even though every situation is different, I felt that after a couple years there wouldn't really be a way to progress to learning new things or seeing new types of cases, since the scope of practice is limited. I don't really want to be a nurse or a physician's assistant like a lot of the people end up pursuing. I also knew that working 24-hour shifts means that I would never, ever be rested again for the rest of my life!
Welcome to EC. First of all, it is perfectly natural to realize who you are later than some. Your generations and mine have had completely different experiences when it comes to education and exposure to LGBT+ people/topics. Second, what would you like to do once you leave your current field of work? Do you think you will go back to your IT job? How do you think the family will take it if/when you decide to come out?
Thanks. Yeah, you're right there is a generational difference. Also, my parents are immigrants from Eastern Europe, and Catholic, so I've had to deal with all of that. In fact, the "All But Family" thing is complicated. I did originally come out to my family. It did not go well, to say the least. And since I've tried to be in relationships with women since then, they just don't mention it and are perpetually hopeful that I will end up with one, so I don't talk about it with them any more. So I'm just going to stay closeted with them as long as I can. They can't handle it, and I don't really care that they know. It might have been important when I was younger, but not any more. As for IT, I'm looking for a job already. I wouldn't mind going back to Linux administration, but I'm enrolled in a cybersecurity Associate's Degree at the local community college, too, so eventually I might be able to get into that. I'll probably end up at a help desk somewhere for a while, helping people find their lost icons
I am part of a conservative immigrant family as well. They are deeply christian. I wish you the very best with you AD. Being a student is fun and not so fun at the same time. As for your family did you ever think of just not telling them? I know that might sound weird, but technically you already told them. I guess. Depending on how close you are with a sibling/parent/cousin/etc you could just keep that part of your life out of their mind. But you don't have to listen to me, I'm a just a kid.
Originally, I did think of not telling them, but at the time I felt I had to live completely openly. Being true to myself makes me a lot less conflicted internally, so I felt like I had found a much-needed key to some of my problems. Which it still is, but now I'm focused on finally accepting and integrating it internally and for myself.
