I was wondering how often it happens that a gay guy later in life realises that he is attracted to women? I have heard a lot of stories about women who first considered themselves lesbian, and then they were almost 100% about men. Not sure if that's a common thing either but you often hear people telling such stories, while gay men realising they're bi and more attracted to women isn't that heard of
An interesting question. Some people on here have wondered if they're Bi or Gay, so I'd imagine it's possible to determine that you have an attraction towards the same sex before determining you have an attraction towards the opposite sex. (Maybe all those stories I'm thinking of were from females though, now that I think about it ) I'm guessing people not realizing that they have an attraction towards the opposite sex happens less than the inverse, due to the straightness not being restrained by concepts like homophobia, making it much easier to embrace (if the person is capable of same sex attraction) without abnormal amounts of anxiety and what not. The majority of the time, my sexual thoughts are directed towards guys, so in different world I might have discovered woman later, but since same sex attraction is such a "default" it makes you consider it early on, before you even develop sexual feelings. (At least in my experience)
Among the member of this and other websites as well there seems to be a lot of different experiences in realizing their sexuality. As a young teenage I originally thought that I was gay, then within a year or two settled on somewhere in the middle. My sexual desires and attractions have always gone in both directions. For me it was the misunderstanding of the exact meaning of the label “gay”. At first I thought that any same sex attraction or desires meant that a person was completely gay. As I learned more about sexuality, I came to the realization that generally for the most part, gay men were only into other men and that straight men were only into women. From this I figured I must be somewhere in the middle. It does sound like not noticing or even blocking out attractions and desires is very common though.
I've heard of men who have lived as gay men later on "realize" they're actually bisexual Its totally possible they simply "lean gay" which would have made it easier
It's pretty rare from everything I've seen for men, a bit less so for women. One reason that is theorized (but not confirmed) why it's a more common for women is that statistically, more women than men experience sexual trauma (about 1 in 3 vs. about 1 in 5 for men), and it tends to affect women and men differently. So there are at least some cases of women who are traumatized by men, and thus don't feel safe around men, but are able to find connection with and attraction to women. If they later work through the trauma, then they are more able to feel comfort being around men. (This is also a big part of the reason why the religious conversion therapy quacks can claim some level of success; the people they succeed with are the small percentage who weren't actually gay or lesbian in the first place, but trauma influenced their comfort level of being with the opposite sex.) There are also people -- and this seems to be becoming more common with younger generations -- who are less attached to the "parts" and more attached to the personality and energy of the person, hence more comfort dating trans people, people of the same or opposite sex, and realizing that sexual experiences can be enjoyable with someone you connect with. But on the whole, sexual orientation, as near as we can tell, appears pretty stable over time. It may take you some time to figure out if you aren't straight, for example, but you don't "become gay" when you figure out aren't straight; you just let go of the denial. And so whatever you are... you are, whether gay, straight or bi.
I have had some gay and lesbian friends tell me that for whatever reason a person or two of the opposite sex really got them going. These situations would be slightly off one end of the Kinsey scale. There are situations like that of Chirlane McCray who married New York mayor Bill De Blasio. They're not common, but they seem to exist.
There is another reason why it's more common for women. Not only men but also women have a woman as their first love object. Info in my own words out of "Love in a time of loneliness" by Paul Verhaeghe (psychologist and psychoanalyst, page 48 and 49). It's very well explained in the book that you can read for free on the internet. Made me feel like I'm not an exception at all, more like really self-aware lol.
Well. I “hooked up” with a guy a couple years back. We fooled around, but didn’t kiss. He was sorta out but not completely. He identified as gay to me. We keep in touch. He has a serious relationship with a woman now. I assume he discovered he was, actually, bisexual. It’s not like he is a kid...over 50. But, hadn’t really been interested in women...until this woman. I think this is uncommon. But, it can happen to a bisexual I suppose. In my own experience, I noticed guys as a young man more than women. But, once I was intimate with a woman, it changed me. I started noticing them more. Eventually, I married a woman. Was this fulfilling societal expectations or was it really that my attractions evolved because of life experiences? I, honestly, don’t know. I do know that it is easier to be in a relationship with a woman...because it’s expected. Maybe some bisexuals do what I did and take the easiest way?
Wdym? Most women I know had a man as their first love. Yes, girl crushes do happen, but not to the point of wanting to enter a relationship with them
It happens. We get them in bisexual forums that I'm on. Maybe about 1/8th as common as ones coming from the straight direction, but that's still a pretty decent number of people.