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Have You ever said something homophobic/transphobic to better hide in the closet?

Discussion in 'Chit Chat' started by mellissa, Sep 9, 2020.

?

Have you ever said or done homophobic or transphobic things to better hide in the closet?

  1. Yes

  2. No

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  1. mellissa

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    I feel a lot of regret for the homophobic and transphobic things that I've said in the past. Not only did I say these things knowing that they are hurtful, but I said them while I knowing that I myself am a lesbian. I was mostly said transphobic things because saying anything 'gay' sort of scared me. But whenever, gay people were being laughed about, I joined in sometimes. I wish I could take it all back, but I can't.

    I was just wondering if any of you did the same.
     
  2. Joe2001

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    I wish there was a halfway option. I've never said anything actually homophobic and certainly not to hide further in the closet. I did once call a priest a "queen" for his appalling diva-like behaviour at my grandmother's funeral which I admit was a bit below the belt but I have no regrets (obviously behind his back, not to his face!).
     
  3. Destin

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    Yes, but in different ways and neither consciously.

    I've definitely used lots and lots of gay slurs, but oddly never actually against gay people. It was just normal to call my friends a fag, or tell them suck a dick etc. and they'd say the same. Not intended as a homophobic insult, just a teen slang thing.

    I had a male friend in high school when I thought I was straight who liked going to the beach with me a lot, and one day he told me I had pretty eyes. I told him to never say that to a guy ever again pretty much, and he got sad, then slowly we stopped hanging out. I never actually realized he was secretly gay and into me until years later, and I'm pretty sure he liked going to the beach with me because he liked me not wearing clothes around him. If I knew I was gay back then he very possibly could have ended up as my first relationship.
     
  4. Chip

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    I would be surprised if there is much of anyone gay who has not, at some point, said something homophobic in order to fit in.
     
  5. Loves books

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    I pretended to be as horrified and shocked as everyone else when the news went round that two girls had made out. I was shocked that it was such a big deal. I nodded when my dad said trans people just had a mental illness because trying to change his opinion would be pointless and anything that doesn’t fit his idea of normal is wrong to him. He’s also deaf so I wouldn’t waste my breath.
     
  6. QuietPeace

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    I did not vote, the answers don't quite apply. I said such things because I was raised in an extremely conservative evangelical congregation and I was programmed that being who I am meant being condemned to hell, so I did all that I could do to suppress myself. While attempting to live that way in my teens I am sure that I said such things, by the time that I had fully figured out who I was but stayed in the closet I no longer actively participated in saying those things. Though I would not step in to defend, THAT I do regret (I still walk away more than I confront but that is more about trying to avoid fights)
     
  7. BlueMonday

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  8. Vega222

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    Not that I remember. But have said things in supporting them and thousands of times falsely accused of being gay (I wasn't aware of it at the time). My choice of avatars was mysteriously like those that gays choose (seemingly) and that also was another cause of "misunderstanding".
     
    #8 Vega222, Sep 10, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2020
  9. mellissa

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    I'm sorry things didn't go well. It is only in the aftermath that we realize how much pain we cause others.
     
  10. Silver101

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    I don't know if this counts, But maybe a few years ago, one of my friends came out to me, (This is when I was still heavily questioning my sexuality; I had no idea whether I was straight or not.) And I had no idea how to react. I had to force myself not to blurt out "Me too!" (Cringe, I know.) It felt like a billion different scenarios rushed through my head in the span of a millisecond. I think I chose the worst possible response:
    "Ew- I mean- well- sorry- just- um- uhh- I- sorry- I-" She just sat there awkwardly waiting for me to stop babbling random apologies. It was probably one of the most awkward interactions I've ever had with her. Afterwards I was just sitting there hoping she didn't hate me. We both sorta laughed it off and I told her it didn't change anything, blah blah blah. I still cringe thinking about it.
    :sweat_smile:
     
  11. BlueMonday

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    I had a boyfriend who would always refer to gays as faggots. Not to hide his sexual orientation--he was never even in the closet--, but just because. I wasn't sure if I should laugh at the ignorance and idiocy, or shake my head and feel sorry for him.
     
  12. mellissa

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    Interesting. Maybe for him the word wasn't derogatory. Did he say it with disdain or pride? I hear that some LGBT people want to reclaim words like faggot, fag, dyke, tranny, etc in order to have power over it.
     
  13. mellissa

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    Wow. That is super cringe. I think my skin just left my body. Maybe "Me too" was the best response. LOL
     
  14. BlueMonday

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    Oh, he did mean it in a derogatory way. A lot of the times he added "fucking" in front of it in order to emphasize the insult.
     
  15. mellissa

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    That is strange. If he was in the closet than I could understand, but since you tell me that he wasn't that confuses me. This might be a weird question, but was he a very 'masculine' guy. My friend told me that there is some sexism between gay men. Some masculine gay guys don't like what they perceive to be feminine behavior of other males. Is he still like that?
     
  16. Vesta

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    I want to say yes and no.

    I don't think I've said anything that's outrageous. That said, there was a time when I'd come out to my mother, and maybe a year or two later, my mother said she felt like LGBT+ stuff was 'being rammed down people's throats too quickly' to me, and I replied, 'Yeah, even I get sick of it sometimes' as I thought this is what she wanted to hear, rather than that I actually thought.
     
  17. BlueMonday

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    No, he was much more feminine than I am. And the "masc gay guys are very homophobic and anti-femme" thing is a horrible stereotype. I've met plenty of masc gays who have no problem with femme gays; my current boyfriend is masc, although he detests the label.

    Anyway, back to my ex, as mean and rude this may sound, he's just stupid, plain and simple. There's no reason to try and dig deep into it.
     
    #17 BlueMonday, Sep 10, 2020
    Last edited: Sep 10, 2020
  18. mellissa

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    a) Oh I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to imply that all masculine gay men were sexist to more feminine ones, it is just something that I heard from my friend. He is a masculine guy and finds that some masculine guys make fun of the more feminine ones. I'm sorry if it sounded like I was making a generalization and painting everyone with a broad brush.

    b) You might be right. Some people are just like that and there is no way to rationalize it.
     
  19. mellissa

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    It is interesting that you say that because most of my homophobic comments have been replies to the comments of my loved ones. I said what I thought they wanted to hear and what would reduce any suspicion.
     
  20. Vesta

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    If others are similar, perhaps this is why a lot of people who behave in a homophobic manner end up coming out as gay. They're saying what they think people want to hear in order to fit in.