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Would you consider lithosexual to be MOGAI?

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by ChatNoir7, Sep 6, 2020.

  1. ChatNoir7

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    I've recentely discovered the term lithosexual, which, as https://lgbta.wikia.org/wiki/Lithosexual puts it, is "someone who may experience sexual attraction but does not want it reciprocated. The lithosexual person may be uncomfortable at the thought of someone being sexually attracted to them, or they may lose their sexual feelings if they learn it's reciprocated. As such, lithosexuals do not feel compelled to seek out a sexual relationship". This fits me to a T, and explains a lot about me that in the past I've chalked up to just being my ADHD.

    Although this fits me really well, I know how much someone can get judged for identifiying with a MOGAI label. Would you guys consider this to fall under that umbrella?
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    I had already heard of Lithosexual what I had never heard of was MOGAI, so I looked it up. I do think that Lithosexual belongs under the whole gender, sex and sexual orientation minorities umbrella. I am most likely somewhere on the Asexual spectrum (somewhere between Demi and Grey) and I prefer to keep it simple and just say LGBT+. If you prefer MOGAI then go ahead, the labels that we use are really just for informing people and whatever works best for you is what you should use.
     
  3. ChatNoir7

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    I should probably clarify MOGAI. It has some context. It was orginally coined to pick up some of the identites that the acronym LGBT ignored, like aspec and nonbinary, but eventually became a term that was synonymous with ultra-specific identities. Although it isn't bad, a lot of homophobes and gatekeepers look down on it, and cis-hets generally just don't understand it.
     
  4. QuietPeace

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    The thing is that LGBT ignores many differences. While the T is in there and that does cover persons who are nonbinary often they feel left out because when most people hear Trans they assume binary trans (trans men or women). It also leaves out Asexual and DSD persons (DSD = Difference/Disorder of Sex Development or what was previously designated as Intersex). I do not feel that I am being oppressed when those two parts of my identity are left out of the various letters placed in whatever label is used. The first place where I went to meetings when I came out was called "Gay and Lesbian Center" back in the 80s, even as recently as 2013 in a city that I lived in the center there was called that and I was ok with it. What mattered to me was feeling welcome in a place that acknowledged that not everyone fit into the heteronormative life.
     
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  5. PatrickUK

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    Would I consider lithosexual to be MOGAI (Marginalised Orientations, Gender and Intersex)? In a word, no, because I don't really accept the premise of MOGAI.

    Lithosexual is one of those terms that has originated in the online sphere over the last few years without any credible research or evaluation and it's been forcefully advanced (in some cases) by the people who self identify with the label. For me, that's problematic in a number of ways. Whilst people are entitled to self identify as they wish and use whatever label suits them, the advancement of such labels without careful research and evaluation can be incredibly harmful and we have seen evidence of the harm it can do on this forum.

    If someone experiences sexual attraction but does not wish for it to be reciprocated, the reasoning for that should be carefully and sympathetically explored and unpacked, rather than accepted as fact. It certainly doesn't require a unique label that has been generated on the internet and promoted to cause further confusion to already confused and distressed individuals.

    I know these comments will not be welcomed by some people, but I feel it needs to be said.
     
  6. Chip

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    Lithrosexuality is a mental health issue, not a sexual orientation. Someone who does not want sexual attraction to be reciprocated almost certainly has trauma in his or her background. As Patrick points out, if approached with curiosity, openness, empathy and compassion, this is an issue that can be resolved, and will ultimately lead to a much happier and more fulfilling life.
     
  7. ChatNoir7

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    First off, let me just say that you are /extremely/ well spoken. Second, this was something I actually really needed to hear. I'm someone who craves knowing exactly where I fit in, and I usually jump to labels first, serious thoughts about the matter second. As much as I don't want to believe that I'm one of those unique label people, I defintely am.

    I'd be interested in hearing what you think the stem of the issue may be. I've put some thought into it, but I defintely don't have any trauma that would cause me to detest the reciprocation of sexual attraction. I'd really like to get this all sorted out though.
     
  8. Chip

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    Hi, ChatNoir.

    The interesting thing about trauma, as we are coming to understand it, is that it is not just what's called "big-T trauma" as in, sexual abuse, violence in the home, etc. It also includes "little-t trauma" which is much more subtle and occurs over time. Basically, the child, especially prior to age 3, not getting needs met in one way or another because parent is depressed, anxious, stressed, or has his or her own mental health issues, or for a whole bunch of other reasons. This results in the child learning that his or her needs don't matter in one way or another, and the child learns, in essence, "there's no use in my seeking connection with someone because I'll just get hurt, so I'll shut off all feelings or desires for someone to be attracted to me". This, of course, does not happen at a conscious level.

    Gabor Maté has written extensively on this issue and is absolutely brilliant in his understanding and ability to "connect the dots". Here's a podcast worth listening to.