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Disconnecting

Discussion in 'LGBT Later in Life' started by Lek, Aug 29, 2020.

  1. Lek

    Lek
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    I visit EC on weekends and, thinking I might have something useful to say, read the messages posted and just feel overwhelmed. I'm feeling disconnected here and I don't think that's a good thing.


    Part of it is that people are talking about things I've never thought of or experienced. I often feel at a loss for words, especially because I empathize with people's pain. One of the blessings of coming to EC is that I have learned quite a lot. I understand it is a very different world than when I was young.


    Often, I will start to respond to someone's post, writing my feedback until I realize I don't even know what I'm talking about. So, I'll close the post. Sometimes I become aware that what I am writing might cause a negative reaction and I stop writing.


    I understand that the "gay community" is a convenient term to collectively talk about a group of people that vary considerably. Let's just say that I have marched to a different gay drummer. In fact, over the years, I built up a little family of gay friends. They were my support group for years. From 2017-2019, unfortunately, I've lost too many friends and family, so I know that disconnection is physically and spiritually affected me.


    I did join EC hoping to build some connections, but I cannot shake the feeling that I'm going to say something that would cause an uproar. It is something I have unwittingly done several times over the years, starting with university when I suggest we change the group's name from the Gay Student Union to the Lesbian and Gay Student Union.


    Actually, I am disconnected, having lived in a foreign country for almost three decades. What I see of my home country is via CNN, BBC, and even Al Jazeera. The nightmare of 2020 may very well be why I'm so at a loss as to how to reach out and connect.


    I should mention that have been treated for Bipolar II for years and, recently, for anxiety. I wonder if anxiety is creeping back. The Bipolar part is one of the reasons I live abroad, but this is another story.


    Well, I feel like I've painted myself into a corner. I was hoping I would reveal to myself what I need to do. I'll just keep trying to find a place here. Here I go . . .
     
  2. QuietPeace

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    Wow, I identify with this so much.

    I start a response and then delete it concerned that I might just make things worse or that I don't really have something to add.

    I have had a lot of LGBT connections in the past but due to several recent moves I no longer have many real connections. I often seem to offend people by my personal stances, including my opinions on my own identity. I am diagnosed Bipolar Type II in addition to other things. I also live abroad though for me it has only been about three years.

    I hope that both of us are able to connect, grow from and contribute to the community here.
     
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  3. LostInDaydreams

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    Hi @Lek,

    I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way and also that you’ve lost much of your real life support group. That must be really hard, and as you say, made harder by the current pandemic.

    There are such a variety of people, backgrounds and journeys on EC that each of us can’t possibly relate to it all. I respond where I feel I can help and like you, I do sometimes start to write a response and then question whether it will be helpful. In those cases I usually save the draft and come back to it a bit later, which often helps me to clarify what I want to say.

    If you are genuinely concerned that a post might cause an uproar or if you’re not sure that it’s appropriate, then you could always run it past a staff member first or start a thread in Ask The Staff. EC is a supportive community, so as long as your posts reflect that, are respectful and follow the Code of Conduct, then you should be fine.

    Also, I can’t see any issues with your recommendation to change the name of the university union (and assuming it welcomes all LGBT+ people, I would guess that it possibly has changed it’s name since then), so I wouldn’t let that hold you back. From what you’ve written, it seems that it probably reflects more on those that didn’t like the suggestion, than it does on you.
     
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  4. LostInDaydreams

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    The other thing I meant to add, but forgot...when I was questioning my sexuality whilst in a heterosexual relationship and later going through the process of leaving that relationship, some of the best advice and support I had came from people who hadn’t been in that situation themselves. Sometimes an outside perspective can be helpful.
     
    #4 LostInDaydreams, Aug 29, 2020
    Last edited: Aug 29, 2020
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  5. HM03

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    I agree with everything that has been said!

    Almost all the advice I give is for things I personally have experienced. Occasionally I give more surface level advice or just sympathy when I feel the person hasn't gotten a reply and would appreciate one. As mentioned, there is a huge variety of folks on EC and it would be unrealistic to expect anyone to have experienced them all or be able give advice on them all.

    I get the anxiety thing, especially online it can be difficult to understand people's tone through text. My presence elsewhere online is almost non-exist because it makes me anxious posting lol.
     
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  6. Lek

    Lek
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    Thanks so much for your replies. It feels good about being heard and that others can relate.

    I have this horrible habit of watching and judging myself, but my main concern was that I watched myself disconnect from participation in EC. In general, my anxiety levels have been on the upswing. It may be time for a tweak of my meds.

    I very much appreciate that you all took the time to respond.
     
  7. Findmepls

    Findmepls New Member

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    I understand feeling disconnected and struggling. Please keep trying , I have felt disconnected all my life, I am getting real close to 50 and finally ready to accept who I am , as soon as I figure that out. I have tried different sites and felt the same way not wanting to offend anyone knowing the times we live in now everybody takes offense at just about anything. Struggling with all my issues and not fitting in just compounds the problem. I finally have realized that at the very least utilize sites like this as a diary of sorts. Granted it is public but whether or not someone reads it I have at least in some form verbalized my thoughts/feelings.