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Should I tell a guy who likes me that I'm a lesbian?

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Sparky2002, Aug 27, 2020.

  1. Sparky2002

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    Hi. I'm a 13 year old lesbian and I came out to most of my friends via text over the last few weeks. However, I stupidly told them it was secret and so everyone thinks they're the only one or one a few to know. I'm not sure how to solve this problem and even though I'm going back to in-person school, everything is going to be SO different. Not sure how to tell the few other friends and not sure how to not make it a secret. Hypothetchically, I thought of an idea where if a boy tells me he likes, I will tell him I'm lesbian. Chances are, he will spread it but I'm not so sure this is a bad thing, as my school is very liberal and will protect me if anything happens and the people I've told so far have been cool about it. However, I'm a super nerd and no boy has ever showed intrest in me before, and COVID would make that worse. I'm starting to worry that my plan with the boy may not work because I don't think any boys will like me. So, I'm thniking if a boy likes me and tells that, I will tell hm that I'm lesbian. Otherwise, what do I do? Do I text my friend chat and announce that I don't want it to be a secret? In that case, I would tell the other friends first, right? If I didn't do that, I could also wait until school started to see what the situation is and then do I don't know what? I'm very confused but I love being open with my friends (via email and text) and I don't want this to change in school because they think they have to keep it a secret. Also, I'm super girly, so NO one suspects it already.
     
  2. HM03

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    I don't think it was stupid to ask them to keep it secret, coming out is scary and whatever helps you to come out, helps to you come out.

    If your school is fairly liberal and you aren't worried about backlash, then imho I think you should text your friends (the ones you told to keep it a secret) thanking them for keeping it a secret but you are at the point were you aren't as worried about it being top secret. That way if you do tell a boy or some friends hear it from other friends, they aren't worried for you that somebody outted you without your approval :slight_smile:
     
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  3. Sparky2002

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    That's an awesome idea!! Thanks. Should I text them now or see how school is (it starts in person in 2 weeks) and then text them?
     
  4. Sparky2002

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    I really want to get it off my mind but I sort of want to see the school COVID situation first. What do you think?
     
  5. LostInDaydreams

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    I can understand why the coronavirus measures are playing on your mind and I imagine you won’t be the only one. I was a little nervous the first time that I went back in my office. Maybe your school will send out guidance. How do you think the coronavirus measures will impact what you might want to tell your friends?

    If you don‘t want to tell them yet, could you draft a message? I find writing things down sometimes helps to get it off my mind.
     
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  6. BiGemini87

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    My two cents is to cross that bridge when you come to it. If a boy does seem to be showing interest in you beyond friendship but doesn't come right out and say it, then you can tell your friends not to worry about keeping it secret anymore--but only if you're absolutely sure you're ready. There's no pressure to out yourself publicly until you're sure you'll be safe or that any issues that come up will be manageable. :slight_smile:
     
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  7. Sparky2002

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    Hi. I think that's a good idea. I did dodge a bullet when my friend and I were exchanging secrets and he said he liked someone in our friend group but he would tell me who later and then I came out to him and he wouldn't tell me who it was, so I'm pretty sure it was me. My school is SUPER liberal. If anyone bullied me when I came out, I'm pretty sure the school would take it extremely seriously. Also, my classmates are fine with it because our teacher is very obviously gay but didn't say so and everyone was saying how it was super obvious, but not in a mean way and I don't think there would be any problems. It would just be nice to be myself at least in my friend group, even if I didn't tell people not to tell anyone. If I did tell my friends that everyone in our firend group knew but not to tell anyone else, that would be fine and it's probably what I'll do.
     
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