1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

thinking of asking out my best friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by honeybean, Aug 16, 2020.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. honeybean

    honeybean
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jul 23, 2020
    Messages:
    3
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    uk
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    sorry for the lengthy(ish) post!

    So I made a post a while ago detailing the crush that I’ve developed on my best friend of 3 yrs & it’s becoming increasingly more difficult to hide from her; it feels almost as if I am lying to her.

    We are both 16 and part of the same group of friends & so usually when we meet, it’s with 7 other people. Whenever I see her I’m always so happy & we are very affectionate with each other and I think our friends have started to notice. I am also a little more hopeful about us than before though I kind of feel like I’m overanalysing a little.

    The point is that I feel like I have half a chance & although losing a friend like her is terrifying, I think never knowing is worse in the long term for me.

    The difficult part about this though, is how. We have been very close for over three years and it was around a year ago when I realised my feelings for her. We know each other extremely well & it is unusual for me to be so forward about my feelings. If I was to ask her outright no doubt it would be messy & emotional and I want to do this properly. I’ve never felt this strongly about anyone before & I’m super anxious, especially about what our friends and family might think.
     
    #1 honeybean, Aug 16, 2020
  2. CAT0

    CAT0
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 15, 2020
    Messages:
    18
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    East Coast USA North Carolina
    Gender:
    Female (trans*)
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    A few people
    You should write out what you are going to say to her first. I think it would be easier if you told her when you guys are alone or over text. Maybe try hinting to her and if she doesn't catch on just come to her straight out. It might take a while to prepare to tell her but it might turn out even worst then it is now if you don't.
     
    #2 CAT0, Aug 17, 2020
    honeybean likes this.
  3. PatrickUK

    PatrickUK
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 25, 2014
    Messages:
    6,943
    Likes Received:
    2,362
    Location:
    England
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Does your friend know about your sexuality? If not, I would suggest you try to clear that issue first because her reaction to you coming out could reveal something about her thoughts and feelings.

    If you have already told her, what did she say? Was she totally relaxed about it and has she been noticeably more tactile and affectionate since? Again, this could reveal something about her own thoughts and feelings.

    Telling a friend that you have feelings for them is not without risk and the risk is somewhat greater here because you seem to be part of a much bigger and tighter friendship group. If it all goes wrong you may lose more than one friend, so do bear that in mind and think carefully about this statement:

    Ultimately, you must decide for yourself and maybe the best way to approach it is to write a well thought out note or card that you hand to her to read when she is alone at home. What do you think?

    Just keep in mind the risks versus the rewards.
     
    #3 PatrickUK, Aug 17, 2020
    honeybean and justinf like this.
  4. mlansing

    mlansing
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 11, 2014
    Messages:
    467
    Likes Received:
    131
    Gender:
    Male
    From my personal experience, I think it is best to just come out and say you have feelings for them that might go beyond friendship. There’s always a risk that it would make them uncomfortable and change the dynamic of the friendship, but I think a true friend would be able to handle it.

    The worst feeling, again from my personal experience, is not saying something when you had the chance to.
     
    #4 mlansing, Aug 25, 2020
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)