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Falling for someone who won’t commit to me

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by bk3man, Aug 20, 2020.

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  1. bk3man

    bk3man
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    So there’s this guy I’ve been seeing for almost 3 months now. We see each other 1-2 times a week because of our schedule and because we’re 20 miles apart. So when we hangout we just spend times at his his place watching tv, playing video games, etc. We’re also very intimate with each other, always kissing and can’t keep our hands off each other. He mentioned about 3 weeks ago he’s liking just going with the flow with things, but he can’t commit to a relationship with me at this time because of some stress he’s under as well as school starting up soon, but still wants to keep going with me and wants me to keep spending the night with him. But In the last 3 weeks my feelings for him keep growing stronger and stronger; and now I feel depressed that he won’t commit to me. It’s just I feel without committing to me, what’s stopping him from seeing/talking to other guys, or how do I know I’m not wasting my time? He has me around his friends sometimes and is all touchy with me in front of them, and he calls me babe all the time when he texts me, so stuff like that makes me feel I am in a relationship. I’m just sick of being depressed over it, any advice would be appreciated.
     
    #1 bk3man, Aug 20, 2020
  2. Vesta

    Vesta
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    I imagine his behaviour is very confusing. I don't blame you for feeling like you're in a relationship. I would too based off the mixed signals that guy is giving.

    While it sounds like his reasons for not committing are fair, I think there needs to be a clearly established line for you. You need to know where you stand with him. I would definitely see if you can find time to chat with him and explain these issues to him. It's not fair for you to have ended up developing feelings for him and he's simply not interested in anything besides what seems to be a casual coming and going between the both of you. As you said, you'd be wasting your time.
     
    #2 Vesta, Aug 20, 2020
  3. mlansing

    mlansing
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    The old saying is true: if you want it you’ll find a way, if you don’t you’ll find an excuse. It sounds to me like he doesn’t want to commit to you, which is a bitter pill to swallow but better than holding out false hope.

    The real question for you is are you ok seeing him without commitment? If so then carry on, but if not then it might be time to pull back. You can tell him why you’re pulling back, and who knows he might even come around then.

    Best of luck with it, I know it’s tough when you really like someone.
     
    #3 mlansing, Aug 20, 2020
  4. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
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    I’m sorry that you’re in this position and it’s completely understandable this is causing you to feel down and upset.

    You could have an honest conversation with him. Have you discussed this with him before or did he say those things without being prompted? Did you give him an indication of how you are feeling in reply or is he under the impression that you’re on the same page? If you do have a conversation, maybe have a think about what you are looking for beforehand, e.g. commitment alone, or as an example, do you also want to work towards spending more time together as part of that commitment.

    If he is unable to commit, which seems more probable from what you’ve written above, then you’ll have to decide whether you’re able to continue with this relationship on those terms. If you do go your separate ways, it will be painful for you for a while, but as @mlansing says, that is better than drawing it out or continuing with a relationship that will make you miserable, and as you say, wasting your time.
     
    #4 LostInDaydreams, Aug 20, 2020
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