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Extremely upset, sad, and living as a shadow. please help

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Mark Lesli, Aug 16, 2020.

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  1. Mark Lesli

    Mark Lesli
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    Hello all,
    I have been following this forum for quite a while. I have been extremely sad and upset and living a very unhealthy lifestyle and I want this to change. I really need some guidance and help or else I will go crazy living this way.

    I have a best friend of 9 years who is straight who I have very strong feelings for and am extremely infatuated. He is basically my whole world, I spend so much time with him when he is away and at home. He is the closest person to me. He is straight and I am not. He is unaware of my feelings towards him and I do not plan on telling him how I feel and how unhappy and miserable I am.

    Recently, he got into a serious relationship with a girl and as happy as I am that he is happy, I am so miserable and unhappy. Obviously, I became #2 priority and our relationship is different. I am really suffering and I am not sure what to do. I am living an extremely unhealthy lifestyle. Leaving him is too painful for both of us, because we do have genuine love for each other. He is my best friend and I wish my feelings can go away but each year they just get stronger and stronger. I have tried leaving him for other reasons but we always find our way back to each other and my feelings just develop the more we hang out.

    He is an amazing guy and I have never met anybody better than him. I am hurting myself by being in this relationship and hurting myself even more when I am not with him..

    Distancing myself from him seems impossible because we are so close. We share everything with each other. I really like his girlfriend shes very nice and sweet, but it just hurts me so much that he cannot be with me.

    I am so sad, my whole life revolves around this and I just want to move on and be happy myself. I am tired of living like this, its been a very long time and I cannot take handling this pain.

    What can i do?
     
    #1 Mark Lesli, Aug 16, 2020
  2. Maxi Waxi

    Maxi Waxi
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    I think that maybe you should be honest with him, I am not experienced with this type of situation, but I believe that you should tell him that you aren’t straight first, then after awhile tell him you like him. It might be too much at once if you do it at the same time.
     
    #2 Maxi Waxi, Aug 16, 2020
  3. silverhalo

    silverhalo
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    Does he know you are bisexual? I agree you need to stop hurting yourself. It may not mean that you have to leave him completely but I think you will need to give yourself some distance whilst you work through your feelings etc.
     
    #3 silverhalo, Aug 16, 2020
  4. okherewego

    okherewego
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    This. Unless he himself is in the closet, there's no chance that he will want to be in a romantic relationship with you, and even then it is not a guarantee. I know that this and the prospect of breaking ties temporarily with him probably really hurts to think about, but by your own admission just being friends with him hurts.

    Maybe you should tell him, and let him know how you feel in full detail, even if rejection is guaranteed. It may be something you need to hear first-hand. Also, if he is as good of a friend as you claim, I'm sure he would understand if you explained that you needed some space for a while to sort things out.

    Finally, I don't think it's good that a single relationship is indirectly doing this much harm to your wellbeing. Have you considered counseling or therapy?
     
    #4 okherewego, Aug 18, 2020
    KittyKat97 likes this.
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