I second guess my identity often and a lot. I keep asking whether or not I'm not just perverted or obsessed or haven't convinced myself of all sorts of stuff. I came out to a load of people just over a year ago and don't really keep it from folks around me but I also realised that I might not ever transition in any form. I'm not exactly happy with it but I'm not quite satisfied with the logic behind my own reasoning to transition or accepting of myself enough to actually go that route either. I hardly even dress nowadays but I wonder if that's not me stopping myself. I still wish my body was less manly but that could be fantasizing. Anyhow, I have a massively lacking sex drive and it's driving my girlfriend up the walls. She's partially why I don't dress up or try to accept myself either because last time I tried coming out our relationship just crashed and since stuffing Katelyn into the closet and making her a mental figure things seem sort of okay again. But I tried reading up on it, wondering if there was some logical reason I used to enjoy it when we started dating, for a few months, but now have no interest at all, over the last few years. One of the options was low testosterone, which could be helped by increasing it. Now I've read on some forums and posts about how the change in their hormones (mostly in relation to transgender individuals) had some mental affects too. I don't really want to be harrier or go bald or have more angry hormones in my system but maybe that's also part of it? Has anyone tried something like this? I mean, I don't know if this could cause more mentally adverse affects but I'm curious if it could solve more than one of my current issues. And why would I think about it but hate the idea of it?
I used to have low T, fixing it changed nothing for me. Still wanted to be a woman. I used to have a massively lacking sex drive too, it was because I was trying to be someone I wasn't. I tried being a man, I tried being attracted to women, for a while I could fool myself, but in the end it just didn't work out. Turned out my attraction to women was just jealousy, I didn't want to actually be with a woman, I wanted to be the woman. Make sure you aren't using your girlfriend as a surrogate for your own feminine feelings. Fear can be a powerful suppressor, especially if you're not 100% sure of your gender identity. You're not the first, nor will you be the last, to wonder whether you only imagined the whole thing. It can be like the tide, just because it goes away at some point, doesn't mean it won't inevitably come back again. Sometimes when it's really inconvenient for you. You have to be 100% honest with yourself. You don't want to go founding a family and then years down the line notice that you've been living in denial all this time , and that the pressure to live as a woman has slowly been building up inside of you, until living as a man is no longer an option. Wouldn't be fair for your family, your spouse most of all. Here is a handy guide on gender dysphoria, I suggest you read it. Also discussing these things with a professional might also be good. Good luck with the self discovery, -Joanna
Same but in the opposite direction. On top of it, antiandrogens gave me depression that vanished on the day I stopped taking them. It didn't make me feel like a woman at all too. Just like a miserable guy with no sex drive, not enough willpower and assertiveness.
I cant help but hope there's something I'm overlooking that would help me be more like all the folks around me, to be the man I biologically appear to be, but that thought doesn't make me happy at all. I guess I really do have to talk to a therapist again. It's been a while due to finances and circumstances. Thank you for the input.
