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I just got out of a relationship

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Gaypjo, Jul 18, 2020.

  1. Gaypjo

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    Hey it’s me again. I asked a guy out right before corona and he broke up with me about a week or two ago. He said he didn’t have feeling back and that he wasn’t comfortable in the relationship. He said this on Snapchat after 2 weeks of it being very clear he had no interest in talking to me and I had to ask wtf was going on for him to finally ig grow the tiniest bit of balls to break up with me. I was hurt because he was my first serious relationship and I care about him a lot. I spent a week sad then today for some stupid ass reason I went to a party that he was at thinking I’d b fine and that I was over him. I just wanted to show my friends that I’m fine and not thinking about him anymore. But seeing him again talking to him a tiny bit. Just made me miss him and now it hurts more then it did when he broke up with me. I’ve gotten over crushes before but how do you get over someone you put all your attention torwards. All your affection all your attention. Just to get told they never felt the same way about you. I’m just a mess right now. Idek why I’m posting this tbh maybe I just wanna vent? Idk I don’t try to understand myself
     
  2. LostInDaydreams

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    Breakups are really hard. If you’ve been giving somebody a lot of attention and then they’re no longer there, then it’s understandable that it’ll take you some time to adjust and move on. Try to easier on yourself.

    You said that seeing him upset you further...is it possible to minimise or stop all contact for a short period of time?

    It might help to give your attention to something else. What did you with your time before you got together? Do you have any hobbies? Keeping busy might help you to feel less lost and give you something else to focus on.
     
  3. Mirko

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    Hi there! I am sorry to read that this happened. It is okay to give yourself more time; don't worry about showing that you are fine or that you are over him. It will likely take more time to let go of the date or the beginnings of a relationship. It is hard because a part of you already thought about what the relationship could look and feel like. This is why you are also missing him, and missing what could have been.

    It is okay to shed a few tears, and to feel sad for a while. It is also okay to say to your friends that you need somebody to be there for you, listen when you need to talk. Hiding it, or trying to show that everything is okay when it is not, will only prolong your ability to move on. Try no to go to a social gathering (even if it had physical distancing - I hope) where he might be at. Put everything away that reminds you of him; if you have a text message conversation with him, delete it. If you have befriended him on social media, unfollow his updates, posts for now.Pursue your interests, try perhaps something new (a new hobby) or immerse yourself in something that will allow you to not think about him.

    Creating distance and being honest with yourself that you need time to heal, move on from what was and could have been, will help with starting to turn the page.
     
  4. Gaypjo

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    I purposely put myself in a situation where I knew he would be there. Which in hindsight was an incredibly stupid thing to do. And I’ve been trying to distract myself with hobbies but everything just feels so dull and boring. I have friends that wanna help but all they tell me is he’s an asshole. Which is hard to accept when I still like him. And yea deleting conversations and his social media stuff for now is probably gonna help.
     
  5. Mirko

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    It's okay. Don't beat yourself up about it. Sometimes our minds and will can be much stronger than we think it is. It would also be okay to say to your friends, 'thanks for trying to help, but please stop saying he is an asshole because it's not helping to start moving on.' Let your friends know what you need; think about how your friends can/could help you at the moment, and try to let them know. Before you do that, take a few days just for yourself.
     
  6. Quantumreality

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    C'mon, dude. Get real! You are simply physically attracted to him. Plus, you are desperate for a relationship. It's not so much that you "like" him, as a person.

    You should definitely listen to your friends. They have an outside point of view that seems pretty clear in this instance.

    QR