I don't know how to come out to my family. I'm afraid they're gonna try to make me "justify" my sexuality. Just looking for some tips and support. Thanks! <3
Hi! I'm not bi, but I have struggled with coming out to my family. It's super stressful at first, but once you come out, it is SO relieving. Here are some tips: 1. If you don't think it will go well, then maybe don't come out yet. I know it sounds hard but you won't want to do something you end up regretting. 2. Say I'm bi, not I think I'm bi, because I said I think I'm lesbian to my dad even though I was sure and he ended up thinking it was a phase. (now he knows it's not) 3. Do it in private where their attention is fully on you. Maybe call your parents into the living room to come out or ask to take a walk and do it then. 4. Back it up with evidence. So like say "Mom, Dad, I'm bi. I have known this for ____ (amount of time) and I hope you can accept me. This isn't a phase and I know for sure because ____ good luck!! Hope that helped.
Update I came out to my best friend today and it went great! she was so understanding and supportive!
laurenliz.....Coming out can be wonderful and terrible. Occasionally at the same time! The most important two factors in deciding when to come out are: 1) Come out when YOU are ready. Don't let anyone push you into it if you are not at the place where coming out is right for you...not them. and... 2) Don't come out if there is a real chance that you will be in danger. That includes being kicked out of your house, having no way to support yourself, having all privileges (phone, computer, friends, etc.) taken away, being verbally or emotionally abused as well as the danger of physical abuse. Waiting can be very difficult, but your safety and emotional well-being are more important. Being out in middle school/high school is easier now than it used to be...but depending on your school and your relationship with other students, it can be problematical. Try to evaluate these things and see what you seriously think about the results of coming out would be. Sometimes waiting...even when it is so difficult...is the only safe way to come out. Please don't get into a rush about coming out...you have plenty of time! You might want to consider using a letter WHEN the time comes to tell your parents. There are some great sample coming out letters here on empty closets that could be a big help to you. Even if you don't eventually use the letter, taking the time to think about it and to write one will help you be sure to say what you need to say and leave out the rest! Check them out (see below)...they could be a real comfort! Also...when you do come out, whether it's tomorrow or 10 years from now, your parents and friends will probably have questions. Take some time now to think about what those questions might be. Such as; "How do you know you're gay?" or "How long have you felt this way?" etc.. The questions themselves will vary a great deal dependent upon your family and friends...so take that into consideration. If you work up a list of ten or so questions with the answers already planned, you will be perceived as a more mature, thoughtful person. COMING OUT LETTERS: Go to the Empty Closets Login page, but do not login. At the top, you will see some links. Click on "Resources". That will bring up a page with a box on the upper left. In that box, you will see a link to "Coming out Letters". Click that and you are there! I wish you much good luck...you can and will make it! Remember...you are a part of our LGBTQ Family and we do care! Keep us updated on how things are going for you! .....David
Hello laurenliz! I recently came to the realization that I am bisexual as well. The only person in my life who knows is my husband and he has been very kind and understanding. I’m very grateful! My advice is to wait to tell your family that you’re bisexual until you’re sure that you’re ready and comfortable sharing that about yourself. Take your time and remember, you don’t have to tell anyone unless you want to. Best wishes to you!
Like others have stated, there's no rush: you're not obligated to out yourself until you're sure you aren't in any danger of suffering abuse or neglect as a result. I'm glad you've found someone to confide it to; once you confide in one person, it goes a long way toward taking those next steps to telling others. Not that you have to justify your sexuality, but if/when you tell them and if they are curious, I agree with the other posts above: state how long you've known/suspected your bisexuality, offer examples of what tipped you off, and hopefully that will be enough to satisfy them. I don't know your parents so of course I can't speak for how they'll react, but you might find that those defensive feelings of having to justify yourself wind up unnecessary--though don't get me wrong, I totally understand why you feel that way. They may take it a lot better and with greater acceptance than you think.