1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Coming out... Again.

Discussion in 'Coming Out Advice' started by Shadows123, Jul 25, 2020.

  1. Shadows123

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    88
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Hey,

    I am considering coming out to a friend. I don't know why I am so nervous about it because I have come out before to others, just not them. I know they won't be upset but this time it feels... Different. I have never sat down and planned on coming out. I mean I have thought about it (A LOT) but most of the time when I come out it’s because I was asked or it has came up in a conversation. I have never been like “we need to have a talk”.

    I guess what I am trying to say is this:

    1. Any advice for coming out to someone where the conversation will be completely about coming out and nothing else?

    2. Does anyone else feel like coming out is a continuous process that one does over and over again or does it feel like a one time thing and everything else is just like a reverberation of that one time? Kind of like throwing a pebble in a pond; does coming out feel like throwing one pebble in a pond and then another and another (where each pebble is a time coming out) or does it feel more like throwing one in and watching the reverberations (where every time you tell someone you're lgbtq+ it feels like it is built on that one initial coming out experience)? I’m just curious as to how people view coming out. I lean towards the former personally but I also feel like the latter applies to me as well to a degree.

    Thank you!
     
  2. Mirko

    Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Apr 26, 2008
    Messages:
    18,870
    Likes Received:
    3,203
    Location:
    Northern Hemisphere
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi there!

    Is there a possibility for you to be able to wait until you have a conversation or a chat with them where you could come similarly to the last occasions where you have come out?

    If you feel that this is not possible, and perhaps it might feel a bit harder to do, I would suggest to make it as uneventful as you can. In other words, try not to make it 'different' than from other times. Perhaps having thought about it a bit too much at this point, makes it seem to be more difficult and is contributing to you feeling more nervous.

    Personally, I felt that coming out is a continuous process; over time though, it has become less important, and in particular after I came out to everybody who I felt needed to know. I will of course still come out to new friends, co-workers, etc...however, it feels qualitatively different and I will use phrases, experiences that will let somebody listening know that I'm gay.
     
  3. Shadows123

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Aug 29, 2013
    Messages:
    88
    Likes Received:
    2
    Location:
    North Carolina
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Maybe I have over thought this. I know they won’t be upset and they will support me. I haven’t quite reached that point where I have told everyone I want to in my life that I’m gay and this friend is one of those people. While it is a big deal for me to tell them, perhaps I should let it come out naturally like you said (no pun intended).