How do I accept that im Bi and not in denial. I talked to the LGBT supportline a couple times and this forum and I worked-out/acknowledged (Its small part of me that makes up the whole and it doesnt define me) that I am Bi, even if its small quantity/types of guy, im still attracted to guys and girls and that im Bi. I didnt want to be Bi, I wanted to be straight. I have been suppressing it for 12/13 years, with my anxiety and depression contributing to the suppression, making me doubt myself each time when I felt something. Telling myself it is a one off , its only fem/girly guys, it rarely happens, Its only in my head and I couldnt do that in real life whats in my head and that im straight. Now I acknowledged it, my attraction for guys has expanded to wide range of guys. Lol I went to small country pub, OMG there was a hotty cowboy guy, couldnt stop looking wanting his shirt to come open. Ideas in my head previous I thought I couldnt never done in real life I can now see doing it. I get turned on by guys freely now and not to fight my suppression to get turned on by them and not feel guilt or bad and reverting back to saying im straight. I see them and get turned on where as before I had bad feeling about it and so found it hard to get turned on by them or if it was fem/girly guys so I could get turned on because they looked like women so didn’t have to suppress it more. The only problem is how do I accept being Bi, how do I not slip back in suppressing it again. Im still abit sad about it but happy that im not suppressing it anymore. I want to come out to my Bi GF who I came out before but wasn’t ready to emitting to myself so lied to myself and retracted it, but before I can say it to her I have to accept it and not repress it again. I love my GF and can see the rest of my life with her. Im scared to tell her, I don’t want her to see me differently or lose her. I scared everything will change. I think thats the reason why I retracted it last time. She is my everything but I need to be honest with her, but have so much to lose. I need to accept me being bi and not go back into denial, how do I move forward, because now I know im bi, I want to come out.
Hello, Kershaw. I think it's great that you've gotten this far in accepting that part of yourself. I won't say the journey is over, as along with my own experiences, I've noticed others have struggled on and off regarding their orientations as well. But I will say the first step does make the next ones a little easier to take. If your girlfriend is bi too (unless I read your post wrong) then I imagine she won't feel differently (at least in a negative way) about you, being bi herself. Just because you have embraced your attraction to men, doesn't mean you'll jump ship anymore than she would. Being open and honest with both her and yourself is important; both in making peace with yourself and embracing who you are as a whole (or close to it, since there are so many other journeys beyond sexual orientation), and also in ensuring your relationship has a strong foundation. I don't think anyone can tell you how to entirely come to terms so that you won't retract it or feel shame regarding your bisexuality; that's something that is very personal, and something you will have to do on your own. If there's any advice I can give, it's this: Take your time. Don't force or rush your feelings; just let them come as they will, and if those feelings are shame or uncertainty, be honest and talk to someone you trust (like your girlfriend). Talking about how you feel can be a bit like releasing pressure on a valve; it'll make things a little less overwhelming, and thus make it easier for you to work through the acceptance process.
when i have doult about Bi but still acknowlegde it, i look through google athletic guys or topless workout stuff. everytime without knowing i get excited - maybe stuiped but think that helps to reasure me of that side of me. but do painic soemthing thinking i made a mistake if i dont get - like if im tired or something.
and when look or think i can help image and wanting to feel all over them and get to excited. lol in so typing this cant help but image and get excited.
