Am I Bi, am I in-denial, is it a fetish, is it a very long phase. How do I know? I don’t want to come out and it be a mistake. sorry for long post. Im a guy, in 30s, i have a GF who is Bi and I have anxiety and depression (what makes this worse). I think my Bi GF brought these feelings up more than if it she wasn’t Bi, where I cant hide from them anymore. Im very activate (helps with anxiety and depression). These feelings hit me when im not busy or its quiet and worse during pride month and it effects my anxiety and depression. Stupid but I see heros of mine and awesome people and see them straight and get turn off being bi . Additionally I read about the latest celeb that has come out, I don’t know why it effect me. I cant talk to my GF about this yet. When my GF told me she was Bi, I said I wasn’t totally straight and alluded to it, but then I retracted it, I couldn’t say it. I don’t think I could express it,I have always been emotional suppressed until met my GF. I didn’t and don’t really want to be Bi. I don’t like thinking of myself as Bi and how people will see it or I see it maybe. I have always been attracted to women but since 17/18 years old, homosexual attractions started to manifest/evolve. There was no previous indications/signs, I never noticed or even looked at a guys like that before then. I find my these attractions comes and goes. When im busy/distracted (like work, sport or something) or doing day-to-day stuff, theses attractions aren't present (i think about them) and I just notices woman, feeling totally straight. This can last for weeks or months before it floods back, until I get distracted again. When I view normal pics of them male celebs (james charles or some fem guy) I do get turned on without knowing and get a erection. In my life I have been probably only been attracted and had crushes on about 4 guys in real life, that I can remember, but they where androgynous or really girly/fem/sissy and 1 athletic masc guy. Very few guys in real life I met have given me a feelings. I can feel nothing for guys in public but only women. Im attracted to fem over masc, masc is turn off, like gynephilia. I seem to be drawn/attracted toward super fem, girly, drag, sissy, crossdressing people. I don’t know if im viewing them as women or femguys, which could be a reason why I am attracted towards them. I don’t if I could envision myself with a relationship/romantic with a guy, but can in my head sexually. I cant see my self kissing a masc guy but maybe a fem guy or girly. When it comes to real life, even thou I was attracted to those guys, they where straight and I couldn't bring to explore if they where gay, even thou I wanted to, I started viewing porn around 16 years old. Porn viewed started and transitioned from straight to homosexual (fem guys, crossdress, girly guys, twinks) and trans. I get instantly turned off after masturbating to femguys or related areas. I think its not me and that im totally straight (only being attracted to women), but feeling comes back. When thinking about male and female genitals, I have the same almost feelings about both, neutral, but more attractive to vagina, but on a super fem guy I it becomes mroe attractive. In my head I could have oral sex with both, but don’t know in real life. I had a chance to go out with this guy who I was sweet and was charmed abit by him and giving me a chance to experiment but got blown away by a girl and couldnt let her go and never got chance to experiment. When I submit this, I will probably start thinking im completely straight again or get distracted. I see my whole life with my GF, but I have to find this out. I cant experiment and don’t want to, im not going to cheat on her (hate the thought of it) and totally wrong. I Love her to much. How do I find out. Am I bi am I repressed or in-denial. Could I be like 80% straight 20% gay.
hey, by your post it seems that you are attracted to conventionally feminine traits. Perhaps your attraction to effeminate men is quite disconnected with their biology and more attuned to the feminine traits they possess? I wouldn't go as far being bisexual though. If you are curious, maybe experiment? But please respect your current relationship, I don't condone cheating.
how do i expirement. as said i would do anything the hurt my GF. wish i took chance i had before. recently it happen again sexual attraction to sport guy in my sports club when he took his top off
I've said it many times on this forum, but I will say again that very few people fit into a neat little box when it comes to sexuality. Some people really want to be able to say 100% straight or 100% gay and they become very anxious if they observe even the slightest hint of deviation or attraction to the same sex (or opposite sex in the case of gay people). Is it fair or reasonable to think that we will all be 100 percenters? No, of course it's not. Very few of us are, in fact. Based on what you have told us, it seems reasonable to suggest that you are at least curious about a sub-group of men and may have bisexual leanings, but that doesn't mean you have to rush to label yourself as such. If it really is low level curiosity you may wish to simply acknowledge it to yourself as fact (like many others do) and find that the level of distraction and anxiety will dissipate. Having said that, you may be denying all of this as a result of shame and you certainly point to it in parts of your question. It's almost like you are worried about retracting the idea that you are straight and facing the consequences of doing so. You don't like the idea of being bi, so therefore you are not? Ultimately, only you can decide how to label yourself and it is something you need to feel happy about, but happiness will not come through suppression and denial. You don't need to experiment or cheat on your girlfriend to discover answers. In many ways this will be resolved through acknowledging your present feelings and what it means and then working towards acceptance.
having said about denial, on the rare occations been more open in thought, i have been able to be drawn to non fem guys, like atheltic or cute geeky guys. then felt sad after going back to straight. i dont know why i fell sad alot about this.
when im on my own and i say that im bisexual, i feel happy. but when i think and vision saying it infront of family and Gf i feel sad like im losing something from my life.
I really feel you there, I'm in a heterosexual relationship with a man but I do have same-sex attractions at times. But, it's more or so on the same level as opposite-sex attractions when you're with your girlfriend, meaning it's not cheating. You're emotionally committed to your girl. The chances are that any bisexual person that gets into a monogamous relationship would either be in a straight or gay relationship, that's just how it happens, but that doesn't immediately erase their attractions (like how a straight person's attractions for the opposite sex doesn't get erased). Maybe those thoughts may seem intrusive because you're in such fear of expressing them and hurting her, it's a normal feeling that is all too common. Society's opinion on bisexual men are not all there yet, so the stigma and pressure is real. I don't want to butt in, but the fact that your girlfriend felt comfortable enough to come out to you is a great sign in my opinion! Again, you know her more than me, but I feel like if you can mention these tendencies while assuring that you're still madly in love with her, she will be an integral support in this journey.
thing is i dont know if im view fem/girly guys as women or fem guys or if its a excuse to be in denial and not say im bi and that its only small group of guys that look like girls as they look like that i must be straight. when im on my own and i say that im bisexual to myself i feel happy, and the sadness dissappears, my attraction and fancy for guys expands outside just fem guys to a wide range, but family come home or something i quickly revert back to straight and sad or at best feel nothing and get distracted or feel bit happy watching or doing sport.
I don't think we can, we're fairly new members and I think we have to reach a certain amount of replies and posts before we can do that, but maybe we can talk via blog posts? Make a post and I can reply to that and we'll create a semi-private chain lol
It's great that you're acknowledging that you do, even at one point, you feel a general attraction to men. Take it slowly, it's probably shocking and this type of reflection jarrs a lot of the LGBT+ community members, I even heard of gay people who realizing they were gay, they felt utter horror at first. I think the key detail of these feelings being valid is your own safness when you "revert back to straight". I'm not saying "accept it all or you'll be sad forever", but take it one step at a time. No matter what, your family cannot control your thoughts, explore by there if you want to start.
when i have doult about Bi but still acknowlegde it, i look through google athletic guys or topless workout stuff or image stuff. everytime without knowing i get excited - maybe stuiped but think that helps to reasure me of that side of me. but do panic something thinking i made a mistake if i dont get - like if im tired or something.and when look or think i can help image and wanting to feel all over them and get to excited. lol in so typing this cant help but image and get excited.
There is no exact steps or "signs" to know when, but I suggest a time when you know you guys won't be interrupted, or if you want a distraction in case things get awkward, in between commercials when you guys are watching TV. It really depends, but most of all be comfortable with what you want to say. On this site, there's another forum called "coming out advice" (my personal fav.) so you can lurk around and read some experiences and advice to get a bit more familiar with this. Remember, you're not alone!
