Hello, 16F here and I can't figure myself out. After thinking I was bi I read the comphet masterdoc (something I found on Reddit) and now I don't know if my "attraction" to guys is real. But Idk how to know because I have never kissed, had sex, or even been in a relationship with anyone before. I had a few crushes on guys in elementary/early middle school and two of them felt real at the time, but I was only like 10 so how real could have been? Looking back I sometimes thought about boys but never considered or desired dating or kissing them or anything. But I was so young that maybe nobody thought that. Did they? These crushes are confusing because sometimes I'll think I'm lesbian but then think that these could have been real, so I can't be. It sounds dumb since these are from when I was like 10 and people say sexuality can be fluid, but it makes me feel fake. Like I'm making this all up. From then on I've had very short "crushes" on guys that provide a good argument for comphet. They would barely last and I'd just assume everything I felt was attraction. A lot of them fit the "you get crushes on just about every guy you’re friendly with, because there’s really no difference between friendships and crushes to you" in the masterdoc. With all of these, if I thought of the guy it was never about dating them, kissing them, etc. I have never considered a real relationship with a real guy. There'd also be times like when someone suggested that me and another guy would make a cute couple and it made me uncomfortable. Although I had never thought about this guy, I started getting flustered and nervous around him and assumed that I liked him. Now I think I was just uncomfortable with that idea and it was just comphet. But maybe I just didn't like him, not necessarily all men? Crushes on girls have been minimal. It's possible I had more and just hadn't realized it, but the only one I've identified is one I had last year (before I heavily questioned myself). There were times when I felt nervous around her and wanted her to like me (at the time I didn't think I wanted her to be attracted to me, but maybe I secretly I did idk). And I'd stare at pictures on her Instagram a lot. But I didn't think about dating/kissing (etc.) with her at all, but maybe because I just didn't know I could? Idk. I've also had celebrity and fictional crushes on girls, if that means anything. But then again I've had fictional crushes on guys. But only in books, which may say something since I don't actually see them there. I only ever think of a future, kissing, sex, etc. with a girl. If it's with a guy it's because I forced myself to, and sex with a guy kinda grosses me out (does everyone think penises are disgusting? I always have and thought I would grow out of it and I haven't) while it doesn't with a girl. And that sounds pretty lesbian but sometimes I'll see a guy online or something and think he's hot and wonder if I just recognize he's attractive or if I'm actually attracted to him. Sometimes I'll think I feel something, then think I'm probably attracted, then try to convince myself I'm not, then think maybe I'm bi and just want to be lesbian or trying to do it for attention (even though I haven't told anyone). But then other times I'll see a guy (whether a celebrity or someone I know) who others think is attractive and think they are overrated and just meh, like Harry Styles. Can anyone help me out? Anyone have a similar experience? I love the whole no labels movement, but I want one because it makes it feel more real for me (if only I can figure out what mine is). And sorry for this being so long lol
Honestly, I am in the same position. I am identifying as bi for now, because I think that I like guys, but I also don’t know if I really think they are cute. I look at pictures of hot guys like, Shawn Mendes are stuff, and I can tell that they are hot and stuff, because my girl friends are all obsessed with the guys, but I don’t know if I actually see it. I actually will print out pictures and try and stare at the photos, trying to see what I feel. Most of these photos end up covered in pen mustaches and a lot of added piercings. I just get bored of them. I don’t know if I see it. I have kissed guys before. I don’t really know if I liked it. I mainly did it imagining how much fun it will be to tell my friends. And I do recount the stories with pride and stuff, but I don’t think I feel anything. And when I see guys in public I watch them, but more out of curiosity, trying to see what is hot about them, and if I am attracted to them. I can see when guys are hot. Like, my brother is very hot (he got all the good genes), he is ripped and has perfect hair and a charming smile. I look at him and I’m like, oh, girls are going to be crazy about him. And I think I regard a lot of guys in the same way as I regard my brother. But I also dunno. Maybe I do like guys and I just think they are stupid. Ok, because there is a gang of boys in the hood who I flirt with for fun, but mainly just so I know I can flirt. Some of them are hot, and I can tell.but they are teenage boys, which are the most stupid things on earth. Anyways, I am rambling. Penises also gross me out and I mainly want sexual relationships with girls, though I still sometimes talk to my girlfriends about being with a guy possibly. I imagine my self marrying a guy, but is that just because my parents standards are that and also I have been raised in a community that assumes everyone is straight? Also, I don’t think that I have ever had a crush. I have crushed on a celeb, and I have flirted a lot, but I have never been like, I am OBSESSED with him or her!! I notice girls and I watch them very carefully. I watch guys too, but I think maybe I am just like, apprehensively watched them, wondering. My mind defiantly doesn’t think about them sexual when I look at them though I do have fantasy’s about sex with guys, though i don’t enjoy it as much as when I think about girls. Also, I am the same around both genders when it comes to being comfortable and not caring how I look (minus my eating disorder self consciousness about thinness). Anyways, gotta go and I hope that you all can help❤️! -Roura
Hi! I kinda understand where you guys are coming from its a process for everyone thats different for everyone. Something I take note of for myself personally is the way I observe. I have a lot of straight friends and when I hang out with them we talk about boys and such and I do find guys attractive but for me its about who I fall in love with. None of my relationships with guys have worked because once it hits a point I will suddenly be uncomfortable and end it quickly. Breaking down these relationships (with help of course) had me realise that whilst I can be attracted to guys I can never picture myself with a guy in a serious relationship. However when I have been with other girls the relationship felt natural and I had feelings with them that I didn't have with any guy. Try thinking about yourself in 10 years, are you married? To who? What is your ideal person like? What does your life with that person look like?Questions like that personally really helped me start to understand myself, and think about who you think you would fall in love with. Really hope this helped <3
Story of my life, although I do think Harry Styles is handsome. I'm not into masculine men so sometimes I see nothing but question marks in front of my eyes when my colleagues talk about a guy with muscles on a picture. Like, what do I care if he has more muscles than a few months before, if men have enough muscles I sometimes even feel disgust looking at them. But I generally feel attracted to musicians, with "feminine" traits, think Morrissey from The Smiths (the young version) or Brett Anderson from (the London)Suede (also the young version). I can not help myself lol. I even know how I got this taste in men. Sometimes a small nice gesture from someone at the right time can have a lasting influence. So, it's possible you just have a different taste in men for one reason or another. That does not necesarily mean that you are a lesbian. I write this because I at some point started doubting myself because of all the things I read on the internet. You're still young, take your time to figure out how you feel, and don't limit yourself because of things you read on the internet.
I relate to the "when I see guys in public I watch them, but more out of curiosity, trying to see what is hot about them, and if I am attracted to them" SO MUCH. Like especially right now every time I see a guy who would be considered attractive I stare, not because I like them or anything, but because I'm trying to figure out if I am attracted to them or not. Maybe I'm kinda creepy idk lol. Usually I don't think I am, but then I'm like just because I'm not attracted to this particular guy doesn't mean I'm not attracted to all guys. But maybe that's just denial.
When I look in the future, I only really picture a girl. Sometimes I'll think I'd have to at least try being with a guy before I know for sure I can't fall in love with one, but then I really don't want to date one, which may be telling. Like before I questioned my sexuality this heavily I decided that I would never date in high school because I really didn't want to, but now I'm questioning if I just didn't want to date guys. And then I decided I wouldn't date and then experiment with girls in college (but I totally wasn't bi or lesbian lol). So that sounds pretty lesbian but idk how to know for sure ahhh.
