Dating anxiety!

Hi all,

It's been over six years since I last logged on here, reading my old threads and worries makes me laugh because of how irrelevant they are now. By writing this I hope that in another 6 years time I remember this site, log on and read this and laugh about irrelevant these worries are.

So, some back story two years ago I met a girl who I really thought was the love of my life and that I would marry. Cut to a year later and she left for me for an older woman without really any warning. Our relationship was amazing and the heartbreak was so sudden which has now caused me crazy anxiety when it comes to dating and relationships.

At the start of lockdown I matched with a cute girl on ######, we got chatting and hit it off pretty much instantly. She was heading to her hometown (a 10 hour car journey or a short flight away) to spend lockdown with her family. We spoke every day of lockdown and progressed to talking to each other on the phone most evenings, sometimes for 6/7 hours at a time.

From this, I knew we had a connection and I was really attracted to her but also very nervous to meet her as I've gained a lot of weight and was worried she wouldn't like me. The anxiety of this brought me to a point in my mind that I would never meet her and it would just be an online friendship until I had lost the weight and was ready to meet her.

Cut to three months later and she found out she had lost her job due to the pandemic and was coming back to where she lived for a month to say good bye and collect her things to move back home with her family for 6 months while she achieves a qualification. To be honest, as upset as I was for her I thought that this was the ideal scenario, in my mind we would continue for another 6 months and then finally meet when I am my best self.

After a discussion before she arrived back to the city, we concluded that we thought it was best to end things there, as upset as I was I knew it was for the best. However, after this conversation we carried on as normal and actually arranged to meet up whilst she was home. Luckily for my fat self (lol) I caught corona and ended up with a short stay in hospital. I quarantined and stayed at home for a good three weeks which meant our plans to meet were postponed.

As the time drew near for her to leave she said that if we wanted to carry on we have to meet before she goes. I pushed my anxieties aside as i knew If I didn't meet her now I never would and I would never know where this would have gone.

Cut to a Wednesday evening after work and I'm making the two hour drive to go and pick her up. We went on a drive in cinema date (cute) and got on really well. We spent a lot of the time making out and touching and started to have sex in the car, however she stopped me and said she wants to be sure and doesn't want our first time to be in a car. She told me how she wants to see me again and has enjoyed her time with me.

Cut to the next day we're speaking on the phone and its a little bit awkward and now she's texting me a little less. Last night she had a leaving party with her friends and called me at 5:00am drunk, we talked about our date and how we were attracted to each other but both of us really don't know how this is gonna work. I asked her if she will see me the next time she's in the country and she said yeah of course, so I guess we just have to wait and see what happens.

I do really like her and could really see myself in a relationship with this girl, but the only problem is, is that its causing me to feel anxious to the point where I can't sleep because I'm worrying that I'm either going to lose her or she's going to get sick of me. I think this anxiety stems from the hurt of my previous relationship and its horrible to the point that I can't actually concentrate on anything else but her.

I guess I'm writing this more for me than anyone else to really give advice but feel free to comment your thoughts below if you have any.

I'm going to try and update this as we go, as I can't wait to read this back and laugh about the situation.

 

Hey, thank you!
I think the reason for me writing this post is to help me realise like, at the time these issues seem like the end of the world but in hind sight they are actually very small, temporary issues. Coming on here and reading my old threads worrying about relationships with people who I don't even give a second thought about anymore made me realise that this situation is probably the same and I'd love to read back knowing how it turned out and how it actually really didn't matter all that much.
I'm going to use these 6 months to work on myself and my anxiety and hopefully if we're still on good terms but the time she comes back we'll be able to move forward.

 

Update: After her being on a comedown from taking drugs and ignoring me the whole day, I expressed my feelings of annoyance towards it.

I'd asked her if she was ok and that I was worried about her, to which she left it all day to reply and tell me she was ok, meanwhile she was viewing my social media story. She apologised and said don't be mad at me and then called me. It was a little awkward and she was grumpy but she said she felt better that I was talking to her on the phone.

Today is her last day in the country before she goes back to her hometown. I wanted to see her again before she goes but i don't think it will be possible as tonight is the only time and she has already expressed how busy she is.

Things are a little awkward and she hasn't even gone yet, I feel like this is coming to an end, which I'm okay with. I know I will find someone right for me eventually but just have to wait patiently.

She's a great girl and I enjoy having her in my life, I do hope this continues but with the distance, her studying, me starting a new job and focusing on fitness and saving money to move out I'm not sure how this is going to work.

I will continue to update this as it goes on, as I said this thread is for me to look back and reflect on.

 

Today she leaves for home

Last night I spoke to her and asked her if she thought that things were different since we met, and she told me no. The only difference is that she's been busy. I think that my ability to over think things will probably ruin this, I'm going to take a step back now and let her come to me.

We talked about her calling for me for most of her journey back (she's driving). I wonder if she actually will. I think that will be a big indicator of if she's still interested or not.

I'll play it cool and not message her now.

Will post an update this evening or tomorrow.

 

Update, we spoke on the phone for the majority of her journey home. She's still got a way to go but hung up to charge her headphones. She cried on the phone to me which is a sign she's comfortable but soon perked up after a little while.

- not much else to add at this time

 

Morning update, we spoke on the phone for the majority of her journey which Is a good sign for me. She's gone back to calling me babe which is also very good.

Now its time to really focus on losing weight so I'm comfortable when I meet her.

Will update if any big changes but hopefully things will stay as they are for a little while.

 

Update:

I had a strange feeling that she went back onto the dating app we met on, so I checked. I was actually surprised to see her profile active with updated photos & bio. I asked her if she would go back on there and she told me its not something she's thought about, I then told her that I'd seen her profile and was just hoping for honesty. she was defensive that I'd checked up on her but didn't seem to care for the conversation.

for me, this situation is done. I can't have the anxiety of her dating other people whilst speaking to me and not being honest about it. I'm really gutted. I put a lot of time into this and I really thought I'd found someone for me.

I'm taking a break from dating now because I'm getting hurt a lot and its not doing anything good for me.

I'll miss speaking to her but I'm really hurt by this, I just hope I find the right person for me one day.

 

Thank you. I didn't have her down as a liar but I guess its easy to misjudge people. My want for a relationship overwhelmed me in this situation, I was desperate for it to work, I see now that this situation was never going to work.