1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Is this denial

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Leynz45, Jul 13, 2020.

  1. Leynz45

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2020
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    Georgia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I know porn is not a indicator for sexuality but i have a question.Today i watched a lots of gayporn and i had lots of fear that iam get an erection.About 15 minutes nothing happened.I saw suddenly a bi sexual porn and saw the woman instantly i got an erection.Its happened everytime when i see girls in gay porn.Can someone explain me what is happened or is this normal?I dont know i tryed really to masturbate to gay porn or something else.I feel nothing.In my fantasies i feel also to nothing.My dick feels like iam get an arousal if i watch gay porn but its not an arousal its a anxiety like torture.Every Single movement give me a sign.Everyday my test is watch gay porn about 30 minutes.Look the movement or the question am i like it.I have really fear that i have sexual contact with a man in the future.I dont want it but my mind let me think i want it.Until today i had no orgasms for boys for any kind of gay stuff.I dont want homophobic i have really no problem with that when someone is gay but you must understand how painfully is that.This tests are horribic.
     
  2. Joelle b

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2020
    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    38
    Location:
    Possibly the moon
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Maybe you are in raptured in interest about the gay porn and you are just in a trance, wondering like, ‘what the hell is up?? This is so weird!’ .
    It sounded like you were saying you got no erection from the gay porn, right? Only when there was also a girl in there.
    Question, what made you want to test yourself on gay porn? Did something else happen to make you believe you may be gay?
    Porn is tricky, as always, because it is designed to turn you on. So unless if you are attracted to boys in anyway outside of porn then you most likely are not gay.
    Hope I’m not too prying! If you answer these it may be easier to help! I know how aggravating it can be to be questioning and not to know, hope this helps!
     
  3. Leynz45

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2020
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    Georgia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    If i see someone he is good looking i get this anxiety that this means means automatically i am gay that is the problem.
     
  4. Joelle b

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2020
    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    38
    Location:
    Possibly the moon
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Oh, so you are realising that you notice when guys are good looking. I remember when I realized that about girls. It is terrifying, isn’t it? I convinced my self that I really was just abserving how thin they were and went so far as to creat an eating disorder so that I didn’t have to face that.
    But you are just noticing guys, right? You have no desire to have sex or kiss or have a romantic relationship?
    I know how freaky it is. Good thing is that this is the best place, you know, to explore. You can probably seek out gay guys and post on their profiles if you want support from people who maybe are older and know more about why things are happening.
    Just know, there is nothing wrong with you, and all your feels are valid and real and you need to recognize them.
     
  5. Leynz45

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2020
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    Georgia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    No i dont want a relationship but my thoughts are telling me that.You dont know what thoughts to do with you.Iam 100% sure who iam but my mind want to say me you are denial.When you say me sexuality is fluid than please go away.I know who i was before that happend.I have a question to you are panic attacks real.No its a fear to get a heartattack i had it before for 2 years.Everyday i had a fear that iam dying than comes the gay thoughts.
     
  6. Joelle b

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2020
    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    38
    Location:
    Possibly the moon
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Panic attacks are real. They happen to me a lot.
    Also, you sound really stressed. You probably shouldn’t be asking a fourteen year old for help and also you need some grammar lessons because your messages are hard to read.
    Just take a deep breath, because you sound really terrified. Are you scared of being gay? There is nothing wrong with that. It’s best if you accept that because I didn’t and I am underweight and on tons of pills now.
     
  7. Joelle b

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2020
    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    38
    Location:
    Possibly the moon
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    You best stop testing yourself by watching porn. You will be fine. If you are gay you need to find a way to accept that, but first calm down.
     
  8. Leynz45

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2020
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    Georgia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I dont watched porn for 5 days and the thoughts and feelings gone.You must understand i can only get an arousal to woman.Womans are for me like angels.I fall in love in different womans since my childhood.
     
  9. Joelle b

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2020
    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    38
    Location:
    Possibly the moon
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    if you are just noticing that guys look good that dose not mean you are gay and you can calm down about that. It overall sounds like you are not gay.
    But what makes you so scared you are? I get being curious but you seems against ever being gay. What scares you?
    It sounds like you are straight. And you sound kinda sweet. Women are angels❤️.
    If you only get an arousal around women and you are not sexually interested or romantically interested in guys, then you aren’t gay. You brain is just stressed and you are scared of being gay. Why?
     
  10. Leynz45

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2020
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    Georgia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I have different fears.When im going through the city i have a fear that someone insure or attacks me or that i make all in my life wrong.I have fear that everyone hates me or they dont want that i have a sucessfull life.Every single fear is for me true but its all bullshit.I am a boy without really good friends.I saw in the past a lots of dissapointment.I wanted a girl friend but i was to nervous.I wanted friends but nobody cares about me.
     
  11. Joelle b

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2020
    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    38
    Location:
    Possibly the moon
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Man, that sounds like shit! I am so sorry about all that. You sound just really stressed. I bet that quarantine has gotten on you hard. We are all lonely, and it must be hard if you don’t have any really close friends, and I guess you live alone?
     
  12. Leynz45

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2020
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    Georgia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I life with me parents.I want like other people i want to life.I tryed to see a way out but iam stuck in my brain.I know what is love.I wanted be a man to have a family with a wife and a job.I have fear that cant be reallize for this different fears.I cant drive.I cant play football.In the past i was a class clown to hide my real face.My life is not worth for that.I remember i wanted to wake up one morning with a completly another person to feel like person he knows what life is
     
  13. Joelle b

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2020
    Messages:
    173
    Likes Received:
    38
    Location:
    Possibly the moon
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Hey, I posted in your profile so we can talk more there! The monitors don’t like it when two people talk for a long time one one of these. When you see my message in your profile you can go to the button ‘show conversation’ and respond there!
     
  14. LostInDaydreams

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2016
    Messages:
    4,300
    Likes Received:
    2,096
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hi @Leynz45, have you given any consideration to therapy? It can be a good way to process and work through confused feelings and thoughts.
     
  15. Chip

    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,551
    Likes Received:
    4,750
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Ugh. OK, let's start from the top.

    RKTonks, I'm sorry, I know you're trying to help here, but you really are out of your depth here and the advice you are giving isn't terribly helpful. Please *again* be mindful about handing out advice to people who have clinical issues going on when you have no understanding of those issues.

    Now onto the actual issue.

    OP,

    First off, porn is an extremely unreliable indication of sexual orientation. It is constructed to cause arousal, and almost all porn is aimed at men, who derive more arousal from visual stimulation than women do. Additionally, porn isn't a realistic depiction. It's there for one purpose: to create arousal, regardless of your orientation.

    Second, you watched gay porn for 15 minutes and got no arousal. So you're not aroused by gay porn. End of story. Give it up.

    Third, why are you watchign gay porn if it doesn't arouse you? Here's a clue: It has nothing to do with porn or arousal. What you are describing are symptoms consistent with obsessive/intrusive thoughts. While no one can diagnose anyone over the internet, what you are describing is consistent with symptoms of OCD, which is becoming increasingly common. It's a disorder on the anxiety spectrum, and it seems to be exacerbated by what's going on currently in the world.

    The problem with OCD is it hijacks the reason centers in your brain. Because it is hijacking, you aren't even aware it is happening. You aren't aware that it's ridiculous to spend 30 minutes a day "testing" yourself for somethign you have no arousal to. But it is. And that's the OCD-like symptoms talking.

    What you need is not more testing of whether or not you're gay. You need help. It sounds like the intrusive thoughts are impacting your day-to-day life, which means you need therapy. Depending on the severity of your symptoms, you might also need medication to help manage it.

    What you DO NOT need is to ask 3 million more question about "does this mean I'm gay" because... as I said, the problem with OCD is, no amount of questioning will satisfy you, because this isn't a question that can be answered with logic because your brain is hijacked.

    One other thing I can suggest: There's a great book called "Brain Lock" by Stephen Levine, which focuses on OCD and offers practical tools to manage it.

    Please make an appointment to see a therapist as soon as possible. I understand what you're experiencing and it's miserable. You deserve to get the help you need.
     
    #15 Chip, Jul 14, 2020
    Last edited: Jul 14, 2020
    Franz007 likes this.
  16. Leynz45

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 24, 2020
    Messages:
    82
    Likes Received:
    13
    Location:
    Georgia
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Thank you sir the problem is when i saw a naked man i got in milliseconds an impulse to my dick.I feel every movement on my dick.At this moment i cant move its feels like iam tied up.i had a fantasy to a girl today but everytime behind me came a man in my thought.The girl changed to a boy.
     
  17. Franz007

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 4, 2017
    Messages:
    76
    Likes Received:
    31
    Location:
    Europe
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Thats exactly why you should follow Chip‘s advice.
     
    Chip and justinf like this.