Coming out to a straight friend

Watching porn won't necessarily give you clarity where sexual orientation is concerned. This is a hard one to figure, though: On one hand, I feel like you're trying to convince yourself that you're straight more than you actually believe it. On the other, it feels like everything you've experienced up until now has led you to believe you're straight, in which perhaps the way you feel about your friend/the urges you're having are an isolated incident.

It's rare, but it happens. Where someone who identifies as straight experiences attraction to the same sex once in their life, and never again afterwards. I think it can happen conversely as well (someone who is lesbian or gay might experience opposite sex attraction once, and never after), and I think in those cases it's clear to see that these people aren't 100% heterosexual or homosexual. I'm not sure if that puts them somewhere on the bisexual spectrum, or if it's such a small, isolated occasion they can just be labelled as 99% gay or straight, depending. There's been a lot of debate around it, so it's hard to say.

I digress: I wonder if you're one of these rare individuals. Then again, your urges don't sound sexual, but more like you lack some kind of closeness. I know it's often normalized for girls to have close emotional bonds and guys typically don't, but that doesn't stop the feelings from being present.

I encourage you to think it over before taking any action. Really think on it and reflect on what triggers this feeling and why, and moreover, what else you might be feeling. Did you begin having other thoughts and feelings, only to repress them? Or was this the extent of it?

Even if you do come to the conclusion you have romantic feelings for this friend, there's nothing saying you have to tell him. I don't mean keep it to yourself out of fear; if you really feel the need to express it, please don't hold it inside--that can be really hard on a person. I'm just saying there's no pressure to throw it out there if you're not ready to.

So yeah, just take your time and work through it, see where it leads. I hope this is of some help, though I'm sorry I couldn't offer better advice.

 

I honestly don't blame you. When you have a really good friendship with someone, the idea of losing that is scary.

Beyond rejecting you romantically because he's straight, do you also fear he'll reject you in a homophobic way? You could always gauge his feelings regarding homosexuality in general in conversation--without making yourself the target of the discussion. Try to do it naturally, of course; bring up a topic that might be relevant right now regarding the LGBTQ+ community and see how he feels about such topics.

If he seems unbothered by LGBTQ+ topics, then it should be safe for you to confide in him that you've been experiencing confusing feelings. You don't even have to tell him those feelings are about him, not until you are ready (if you ever are). If you ever do wind up telling him how you feel about him, you can also make it clear that you don't want to ruin your friendship with expectations. That maybe you just needed to get it off your chest so you could move forward.

I don't know your friend, so I can't say how he'll react--but if you talk to him about any of this, I hope he takes it well.

 

No problem, I'm glad it worked out! I hope the friendship between you will continue to strengthen and grow.