1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Sexual fantasies

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Whywhy123, Jun 19, 2020.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. Whywhy123

    Whywhy123
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2020
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Sweden
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I have been lurking around many forums and noticed something. When straight people say that they fantasize about the same sex, people automatically tell them that they're not straight.

    But when gay people, especially lesbians, say that they fantasize about the opposite sex, everybody accepts that and not once have I seen someone tell them "you're not gay" (well, maybe in some cases of gay men).

    I was wondering what the cause of this double standard is? Because you know, fantasies are just it, fantasies. Some women fantasize about being raped but they do not wish to be raped in real life. I know we live in a world where sexuality is expected to be stable, but yeah
     
    #1 Whywhy123, Jun 19, 2020
    BaconBacon likes this.
  2. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2016
    Messages:
    4,300
    Likes Received:
    2,096
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It’s not something I’ve noticed, and you’re right, not all fantasies are what people want in real life.

    I don’t know...are these the same people, on the same forums? The forum itself makes a difference...if somebody comes to EC, a forum that is for people questioning their sexuality, then they’ll probably get a different reaction than on a parenting forum, for example, which is mostly used by straight women with children.
     
    #2 LostInDaydreams, Jun 23, 2020
    StillHorny likes this.
  3. BiGemini87

    BiGemini87
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 21, 2019
    Messages:
    1,485
    Likes Received:
    1,318
    Location:
    Pembroke, ON
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Now that you've mentioned it, I've noticed it, too. I think the distinction I've noticed though regards porn. A gay/lesbian person watching straight porn doesn't make them straight any more than a straight person watching gay porn makes them gay.

    Fantasies are trickier, I think, and context regarding the frequency of these fantasies and their effect on the person having them are, I think, something that needs to be taken as a person-by-person case.

    In sum, fantasies are not 100% hard proof that someone is one orientation or another; they can be indicators, but they're not absolute. I think how people feel around people of whatever gender is a larger indicator, and one that can be trusted a fair bit more.
     
    #3 BiGemini87, Jun 24, 2020
    TinyWerewolf and Candy S like this.
  4. Whywhy123

    Whywhy123
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    May 20, 2020
    Messages:
    31
    Likes Received:
    6
    Location:
    Sweden
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Surprisingly enough, yes, it has been this forum. But there were less "you're not straight" responses on forums that consisted mainly of straight people
     
    #4 Whywhy123, Jun 24, 2020
  5. LostInDaydreams

    LostInDaydreams
    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2016
    Messages:
    4,300
    Likes Received:
    2,096
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I would guess it’s down to context and audience. If you’ve come to EC, a forum for people who are questioning their sexuality, with a membership who have mostly been through the same process, then you are probably going to get a different response than on a another forum, mainly made of straight people, who mostly haven’t questioned. People can only speak and respond from their own experiences and understanding.

    Having said that, nobody can (or should try to) tell another person what their sexuality is. The only one that can know is the person themselves.
     
    #5 LostInDaydreams, Jun 24, 2020
    TinyWerewolf and BiGemini87 like this.
  6. StillHorny

    StillHorny
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 24, 2020
    Messages:
    27
    Likes Received:
    10
    Location:
    Palm Springs CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Hmm. Maybe it's wishful thinking or projection on their part.
     
    #6 StillHorny, Jun 30, 2020
  7. out2019

    out2019
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 1, 2018
    Messages:
    883
    Likes Received:
    737
    Location:
    us
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I agree that some fantasies are just that - fantasies, and they could represent some other need we have. On top of that pornography use can escalate the need for more novel or erotic situations to get arousal. .... When it comes to using fantasies to determine sexuality I think what is important is the frequency, intensity, and range.

    For example if a guy said they once in awhile had a fantasy of being bottommed but 95% of the time fantasizes about women and the bottoming only comes up when they are feeling low - that might be someone straight.

    But if a guy fantasized about men 95% of the time the fantasies were much more intense than when he tried to fantasize about women, I would say that he is probably gay.
     
    #7 out2019, Nov 18, 2021
  8. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,559
    Likes Received:
    4,757
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Note that this is a necropost as a result of a (now removed) spam post. The original poster is no longer part of the community.
     
    #8 Chip, Nov 19, 2021
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.