In my recent posts, I mentioned that I recently snuggled with one of my friends. In that post I mentioned that I enjoyed it and kind of hoped it would happen again. Well it did, and I still really enjoyed it, only this time it went a little further. Just to give a little warning, this post will get a little bit NSFW from here. Basically this time things got a little more sexual. This might be a bit TMI, but we were sort of feeling each other up and that turned into us jacking each other off. Again sorry if this is too NSFW, but it's what happened. I had trouble staying hard, which is a bit embarrassing I guess. I wasn't able to finish, but he did. It was sort of awkward and a little uncomfortable, but it wasn't necessarily unpleasant. I'm just a little confused, because I've fantasized about basically this exact thing happening before, and I liked that, so I'm not sure. I don't really know what to make of that, I guess it's not super surprising it was a bit uncomfortable as I've always thought of him as just a friend until fairly recently. I'm just not sure what to make of everything that happened and I find it a bit embarrassing. On another note, I made post about a bit of a "disaster" that happened earlier today and I don't really know how to handle it, it's freaking me out a bit. These are just some recent events that have happened, and I felt like making another post because of everything that happened in the past week.
Sometimes our fantasies can be part of the problem because it means we've developed a preconceived idea about what will happen and how it will happen, rather than going with the flow and enjoying the spontaneity of the moment. Truth is, some guys take a bit longer and don't finish when another guy tries to jack them off. Doesn't mean we haven't enjoyed the experience of being touched up, just means that we have a technique of our own that the other guy hasn't quite discovered. Circumcised guys and uncircumcised guys can be different. Believe it or not, we are not all the same when it comes to jacking off.
So does this mean if we believe we are going to get off to a certain fantasy but not another it's because developed it?
I was surprised that it was happening, and I think that was part of the problem. I think the fact that I had thought of doing that with him before was more on my mind than what was REALLY happening at the moment. Not that you need an update, but since I made this thread, we were fooling around a bit more, and I'll just say that it went way better this time, I think I was just more prepared for it and so I was able to focus more on what was happening in the moment.
I think it could have been performance anxiety or self-consciousness. This was the first time. In my early experiences, I didn't cum many times the first time I had sex with someone new. If you have more encounters, try focusing on the other guy so you won't be as self-conscious. If you cum, great. But even if you don't, focus on the pleasure and intimacy.
It was a little strange, I think it could have just been anxiety, and I'm definitely self conscious, so that was also a factor. It was the first time I'd ever done anything sexual with anyone. It was also the first or second time I'd ever really been naked around him or anyone else and I'm not very comfortable with my body, so that plays into it too. I guess it just confused me because I enjoy fantasizing about that, but in reality it was a bit strange. The second time it happened, I tried not to worry about it so much, and it went better and didn't feel quite so awkward, but it was still a little weird.
It's probably going to take some time for it to not feel awkward. This is new territory for you, after all, so it's completely understandable that you'd have some performative issues--even more so when you're still working out who and what you are. I know it's hard, but try not to think too much while things are happening. Just enjoy the moment as much as you can. I think I remember you mentioning this friend before, and if so, is he gay/bi/anything other than straight? If so, does he have previous experience? If he does, this might be a good learning opportunity for you.
I have mentioned this friend before. He's gay, but I don't think he has much experience either. Maybe with one or two other guys, Im not exactly sure. Him telling me that a while back is pretty much the main thing that made me start questioning my sexuality in a more serious way. Although, I guess my sexual orientation has been a little ambiguous for at least a few years now.