Bisexuality and differences in attraction to each gender

Hey all! I've recently come out to my wife as bi, but I'm a bit new and confused still because I've never yet acted on my same-sex impulses. When I had the most opportunity to before, back in college, I was too afraid to ask out the boys I liked because they were presumed-straight and I was afraid of both rejection and a possible homophobic response.

But I've thought a lot about the boys (and girls) I had crushes on when I was younger, before I got married, with an eye to planning how I want to finally explore my sexuality now that I'm older and more comfortable and in the process of coming out.

Any other bi folks feel like there's both a lot of similarities and differences in how they find themselves attracted to people?

Similarities I've found:

For both, personality is paramount for feeling more than a fleeting attraction. Even if I'm not going to get emotionally involved with someone I want to feel like they're cool, and want to talk to me. I like to take a passive role in conversation while they lead, but still feel like they invite and include me so we have something to talk about when we're not actively gettin' it on.

That personality should be visible in their face and how they dress -- a nice smile, a jaunty attitude. I find these very attractive on top of whatever physicality they might have.

When it comes to bodies, I like both women and men who are more chubby or fat, never too skinny or buff. I want someone I could cuddle up with.

Big differences too though:

For a woman, I notice her body first, and then other things cement or wash away the attraction. I like big boobs and grabbable hips and a slappable butt, certainly, and if she's showing some skin or cleavage I'll be very interested.

For a man, his body will strike me less immediately. The main parts of his body I am interested in are his face (for seeing if he looks cool and smiles nice) and his dick (for imagining touching it).

So when I watch porn, which is a very visual medium, I've always been more into straight porn showing women. Gay or bi porn is more likely to show me guys I'm less attracted to and I lose interest, but then I watch straight porn and imagine myself in both the mens' and womens' roles so I can get my fellatio fantasies on.

I dunno, it all feels sensible and right when I think about it but it just struck me as interesting the more I think about it the more certain I am that this is the right path, opening up and coming out with my wife and pursuing an arrangement to explore the other side of my sexuality.

I hope this made some kind of sense, and if you have similar or different feelings I'm curious what other peoples' experience is, especially those of you who have become more active in your same-sex desires did that change anything when "for real" came into it?

 

Thanks! I'll search a little more in the archives this weekend, there's a lot still to read and learn here!