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Bisexual validity and role models

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by lucas78, Jun 27, 2020.

  1. lucas78

    Regular Member

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    I think part of why it took me so many years to understand and accept my sexuality, and a few more before I did anything about it, is that I never felt like being bisexual might turn out to be a valid option.

    Being attracted to other boys I felt too gay to be straight, but being attracted to girls I definitely was too straight to be gay. I didn't feel gender confusion strong enough to be trans, either, and I just seemed to run out of things to think I might be. What else was there?

    I honestly didn't feel like bisexual sounded valid to me until I was in my late 30s, and now I'm in my 40s, starting to come out, and feeling like bi is exactly right.

    But I'm not sure how this works. I grew up in a liberal, tolerant, gay-friendly household (school and friends were a different matter) and saw media depictions of gay comings-out both of young and middle-aged people. But when the middle-aged gays would come out they'd always leave their wives and pursue a same-sex romantic relationship. And that wasn't what I felt at all.

    Who should my bisexual role models be, real or fictional? Who can I look up to as having gone through something like I am? Or should I just concentrate on being friends with real people who are cool, like people on social media who post cool stuff and are openly bi?

    I dunno, thanks for your thoughts all. :slight_smile:
     
  2. lucas78

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    Speaking of memories -- the first time I remember hearing of the idea of bisexuality was at boy scout camp. Some of us were bullshitting while the adults were away and one of the older boys repeated a rumor he had heard that rock musician Jon Bon Jovi had said once in an interview that he was bisexual. We were all appropriately scandalized, yet suitably impressed at his more worldly knowledge of such matters.

    I looked it up online today and it appears to just have been a rumor going around back then. As far as anyone knows, Jon Bon Jovi is straight. :slight_smile:
     
  3. BiGemini87

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    From a female perspective, I get this. I had trouble recognizing my orientation and accepting it (in a very cyclical manner) because I could con myself into believing 1) How could I be anything other than straight when I was attracted to guys, and 2) That because girls are often encouraged to have closer and more emotionally honest friendships, any admiration/awkwardness I experienced around them was merely that.

    It didn't seem to occur to me that having had very poor experiences in female friendships, my feeling close or drawn to any of them was unusual (since I tended to be very guarded around them, usually). My poor experiences also made me feel predisposed to disliking girls a lot of the time, which in and of itself created more confusion.

    Like you, I've come out later in life. I really started questioning it (and I mean very honestly questioning it) in my 20s, but it took until just before my 32nd birthday to 1) Come out to myself, then 2) Come out more publicly this year.

    Despite bisexuals making up a large quantity of the LGBTQ+ community, there is something really isolating about it. I'm not sure what or why, but there does seem to be a divide, something that (imo, anyway) makes it hard to find where we stand precisely.

    I don't mean this in a bad way, like everyone else casts us out or anything. I've seen a lot of positivity, so it isn't that. I think it's something on a more internal level, something that, even if people are open and welcoming, we're still not sure of our exact place in everything.

    But that's the thing, isn't it? Our orientations merely make up a part of who were are, not the whole. Therefore, our place, the people we look up to or connect with--they don't need to share in this exact experience. If they do, great! That's some good common ground--but we needn't seek it out, specifically. :slight_smile:

    I get it, though. I felt that way for a while. Sometimes still do. I really wanted to connect with others who understood (or at least, had a better chance of understanding) that particular struggle. But sometimes, all you need is someone with an open mind and heart.