1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Just started questioning - advice please

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Starla Au, Jun 9, 2020.

  1. Starla Au

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jun 9, 2020
    Messages:
    1
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    Um, so, I'm a 40yo woman (AFAB) and I think I've fallen for a woman and, well, it feels right, and freeing, and like this is who I am. I don't feel guilty for it, or foolish, or afraid, the way I always have with men (though I still don't believe for a second that she'd feel the same way about me, but that is my low self-esteem). I actually feel pretty wonderful about it. I've been married to an abusive man for 15 years (separated for 2 years), and have children. In that time there have been women who I've been attracted to but I've always dismissed it. I think I just assumed I was straight and my ex liked the thought of two women together in an unpleasant, voyeuristic way so I always quickly stopped myself from thinking about it.

    I guess this means I'm not straight does it? I don't necessarily feel I need a label right now, but the worst thing would be if I tried seeing women and then hurt someone because I got it wrong. So any reassurance that I'm not just imagining all this would be great. And what to do next?!
     
  2. Gaypjo

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Jan 10, 2017
    Messages:
    60
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    East U.S
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Some people
    Does it mean your not straight? Possibly. And you should never feel guilty about figuring your sexuality out. If you want to try to date a girl go ahead. If it doesn’t work out? That’s life. Labels can sometimes make people feel more comfortable and associated with others but that’s all it should ever be. Labels don’t define anyone. What to do next? Live life. Enjoy it and if the opportunity presents itself go ahead and give it a try. I feel I must say I’m 18 and by no means perfect at giving advice. Just saw this post and figured I could try to help so take anything I said with a grain of salt.
     
  3. LostInDaydreams

    Moderator Full Member

    Joined:
    May 10, 2016
    Messages:
    4,300
    Likes Received:
    2,096
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Welcome to EC. :slight_smile:

    It’s not uncommon to realise in your 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, etc. that your sexuality is not what you previously thought it was. However, only you can really know what it is.

    I was in an abusive relationship with a man (in my late twenties) when I realised that I was gay. We have a daughter too. If you want to talk, you’re welcome to post on my wall.
     
  4. Nic2552

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Sep 24, 2018
    Messages:
    185
    Likes Received:
    116
    Location:
    California
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    It’s ok to figure out your sexuality, some people find out later in life that they are not straight , some come out younger. It’s never to late to live you. Did you always know you had feelings for females? Does your husband know about how you feel?