Gay Relationship and my false perception

We all move in different circles and everyone's experience is going to be different, but I can say the majority of gay guys I know (and I know a lot of gay guys) are monogamous. That may or may not be normal--again we all move in different circles. If you are consistently finding that not to be the case I would look at where you are meeting men and possibly how you are communicating with them. If you browsed through Ashley Madison you could pretty quickly come to the conclusion that all straight people cheat, but it's about the sample you've chosen. Plenty of straight people aren't monogamous, but it doesn't stop lots of straight people from living very fulfilling monogamous lives. The other thing I mentioned was communication. Most of the gay guys I know are monogamous, some aren't, but the ones that aren't, at least among my friends, are really honest about that--they don't cheat they just aren't monogamous. Be careful what you are assuming and if you have expectations communicate them.

My husband and I have been together for 23 years, we're faithful and if anything we're more in love than when it all started. The fact is that a good portion of my closest friends are in similar relationships. It's doable and there are plenty of guys our there who want it.

 

As OGS says, we all socialize differently. At the same time, there is a lot of unchecked shame imbedded in the gay community where individuals have not done the hard work not only accepting their sexuality but also resolving the underlying shame that often comes with it. I believe such unresolved baggage makes it difficult to maintain a healthy relationship between two gay men; and there are a large number of gay men with such unresolved baggage. Before trying to find a relationship, be sure you have worked through the embedded shame and have built up you own self confidence, self respect, self worth and esteem. I personally found doing the hard work made it easier to identify with other guys that have done similar work themselves. And after various prior relationships where I experienced what you seem to be currently experiencing, I am now in a mutually respectful and loving monogamous relationship.

I know this may be a lot to digest and get your head around, and there is more to our individual journeys than what I can possibly type here. But I am confident if you do the hard work, you will be able to figure out which social circles you should be involved with and which guys might be right for you.