Hi I came out as bi two years ago to a couple people (it was kinda by accident but that’s a long story) and I feel like shit (I have since the moment I came out). I’ve heard a lot of people say that coming out lifted a weight of their shoulders but all I can feel is a crushing feeling like I can’t breathe. I grew up in a very lgbt supportive family and environment so I don’t think there is an issue with my upbringing, but I still feel almost embarrassed of myself. Now, please do not think that I believe that lgbt+ people are disgusting, because that is not the case. I have several openly gay friends whom I love and support. I also intake lots of lgbt+ media and lgbt+ created media. But, I just want to turn back time and have never made the mistake of telling anyone. I ended up telling my mom by my own volition and she was super supportive, which made the looming feeling even worse. I’m okay with expressing my bisexuality when I’m alone, but as soon as the topic of sexuality is brought up in conversation, even between the people that know my identity, I feel like I can’t breathe. I don’t know why I feel like this. Help.
Several thoughts here - I don't know you or your circumstances, these are just some things to consider Could it be that you feel expected to behave in a certain way, or do certain things, now that you are "officially" bisexual? This pressure could come from other people, or from yourself. Or maybe you feel very vulnerable. You just told everyone you know something very big and important about yourself, which was held as a secret for a long time, and now you feel exposed. That's sometimes the way it is when we tell others very personal things. Or, another possibility, you haven't fully accepted yourself yet, and came out too soon. Growing up in a supportive family and environment is extremely beneficial and puts you in a position of great advantage, but it doesn't fully protect you from internalizing the homophobia of the larger society around you. I think it would be a good idea to find someone you feel close to and very comfortable with to try and talk about these things. Or, if talking to someone is too much, try writing things down for yourself - sometimes this kind of "inner talk" can help sort out our feelings and thoughts. Take care.
Like with what Rin said, it’s wonderful that you grew up in such a supportive family, but are you sure you’re “officially” bisexual. You could be Pansexual, as I know quite a few people who came out as Pan following a coming out as Bi (myself included. I later came to realize what it was about my queerness) It is good that you’re able to talk things out. I grew up in a “we’ll love you no matter what” environment, but gender and sexuality were somewhat taboo.. Lots of people wish they could turn back time, I get that. And you’re only out to a few people, maybe consider coming out to more people/fully. I know after I fully came out, I felt wonderful. Of course, my transness was a surprise to no one, but it still felt good to get it off my chest.
It sounds to me that despite all the support on the outside, there's still work to do on an internal level. I don't presume to know precisely what you're feeling, why, or even what you're thinking, but would you say your embarrassment is shame that you bear any same-sex attraction? Or do you feel a little too exposed and don't know how to act around those you have told? Sometimes it takes a while to work through those feelings, and from what I've learned (through personal experience and seen of others), being bisexual comes with its own, unique challenges; all sexual orientations and identities do, of course, but in your case, you might be grappling with issues you can't yet put a name to. I think @Rin311 is on the right track. Maybe if you write these things down, you'll be able to sort out where the embarrassment and crushing dread is coming from.
