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I have no LGBTQ+ friends

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Atlanta, Jun 5, 2020.

  1. Atlanta

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    Hello everybody!
    I have recently found myself being attracted to girls. This discovery complicated my life because I don't have any support, I don't know how to behave myself. I am scared to tell my friends about my sexuality, they probably would not understand me. I am feeling so confused and lost because I have no one to talk with about my feelings and I have no one to help me understand myself better.
     
  2. Mindalena

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    Hi Atlanta!
    I am attracted to women and I’ve kind of been through that same thing- I’d love to talk about feelings and (as someone who’s learned things the hard way) I have two pieces of starter advice: 1) try to identify the things you are worrying about that you have no control over (for instance if you’re worried how your friends will react)and then try to let go of that worry (you don’t have control over what your friends will think or do, so why worry about it?) I know this is difficult, but you can’t always be worrying about things you have no control over. 2) if you don’t already have it, you need to start right now cultivating a sense of self-love Bc you’re going to need it. Ppl are going to let you down, and that’s ok as long as you can remember at the end of the day that you are a person who is loved and deserves love.
    Anything in particular that is worrying you are making you happy right now? For my part I’m really worried about all the scary police violence happening near where I live and I’m feeling hopeful about police reform in the face of BLM protests.
     
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  3. Atlanta

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    Hey Mindalena, I appreciate your help. I think it's really important to be true to yourself because me is the only person I am with every day. I hope that you will be safe during this hard period and everything will be fine and even better than before. BLM✊✊✊✊✊
     
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  4. Mindalena

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    Believing in yourself is an awesome philosophy! I love it- one of the things that I still do regularly is to read about LGBTQ history because it gives me some insight into the ppl who came before and helps me to believe in myself like you said! one of my favorite LGBTQ history outlets is the Making Gay History podcast!
     
  5. Tightrope

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    I don't have that many friends who are sexual minorities either. I have had some in the past. It's not about their being LGB or anything like that. It's about what they are like and, mostly, what they are like as friends. The friendships seemed to get off the ground too enthusiastically and then they fizzled just as fast. That was no surprise. I found that a lot of LGB people I've known for a longer period of time were too self absorbed or too into the hunt for the next interlude that they'd temporarily put the friendship on hold while they had their fun before returning. I'm also self absorbed, like many people are today, but I snap out of it and make time for my friends when they want to get together or if they are in need ... and then go back to being self absorbed. LOL.

    I would just focus on making quality friends who accept you for who you are. Their sexuality doesn't matter. Most of my friends are hetero but have very fluid qualities and are open minded.
     
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  6. LostInDaydreams

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    Talking about on here is a great place to start.

    Otherwise, lockdown restrictions allowing, perhaps look for some support groups for younger people? Possibly at school/college?
     
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  7. BiGemini87

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    I think @Tightrope has the right of it; open-minded, accepting friends are of greater quality than seeking out others just because they share your orientation/are under the LGBTQ+ umbrella. Not that you can't find quality friendships within the community, but that it shouldn't be a conscious focus.

    Though it definitely helps when you're first coming out to have others who can relate, so I can totally understand your feelings. Here is a good place for that, as well as any local groups in your area. For me, I'm part of a local group who has weekly Zoom meetings. It's helped me come out of my shell a bit, gives me more perspective of different people under the umbrella, and allows me that sense of safety and community we all need (not that I'm in danger elsewhere. People have been surprisingly good about it, despite whatever preconceived notions they've held).
     
  8. bingostring

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    Having a ‘peer’ (someone of same age/sexuality) In the same situation as you would be a very valuable support and comfort for you. Do you have access to local groups or clubs.
    Maybe after the Covid is over this is an area you could look in to. Or find groups online.
    Being alone at this time of life can feel very isolating when what you really need is support and friends in the same situation.