Lesbian in a hetero relationship. Crazy to stay?

Hey, dont feel bad, this is a really common thought and when you are in such a long relationship deciding whether or not to end it is never easy. Ultimately only the 2 of you can make that decision. I would advise reading some of the threads in the later in life section and maybe chatting to some of the people who have been in that position.
It comes around to whether in the long term this is coming to be something that you are both completely happy and content with.

 

The nice thing about relationships is that there are no rules to being in one. Even though a lesbian in a hetero relationship sounds crazy, if you are happy and your boyfriend is happy then staying together is certainly an option available to you.

But...I would be careful with this one. It's possible that you are confusing comfort and security with genuine fulfillment and happiness. They are not necessarily the same. Plus, if you never allow yourself to be with a woman because you want to stay with your boyfriend, that could cause some friction down the line.

My best friend in college was a girl that I was truly happy being with on a day-in to day-out basis. We ended up dating and might have even gotten married, but I eventually broke it off because I just knew there was something missing (even though at the time I was still years away from accepting that I am gay). Although I truly loved her, was happy with her, and could have spent my life with her, I was not in love with her.

But, since there are no rules to being in relationships, I very well could have married her and maybe could have been happy for the rest of my life. But maybe not (and if I'm being honest, probably not). I still miss her, but she is now married to another man, and I am happy for her that by walking away she was free to find someone who could fully commit to her.

You're doing the right thing by taking this time to question things and talk to people about it. There is no rush to decide. Take your time, feel things out, and be open to wherever your question leads you.

 

I was in a similar situation with my ex-fiance, the lack of sexual attraction that is.
Sure, I still loved her, and I wished that things could have been different. But her actions caused our relationship to end, and I was devastated. There are some things I wish I could have done before she left. Like, I wish I could have been my true self before she left me. I know now that she would've supported me in it, I was just scared to act on it.
But, even though my story had a silver lining(the finding of myself) it did come with a low point. A low point that I'm not entirely proud of, but that helped shape me.

Before I go rambling, you should ask yourself this:
What will give me more happiness in the long term?
Yes, the longer term happiness may not give immediate happiness, but like I mentioned above, every storm cloud has its silver lining. We just have to weather the storm to reach it.

 

I've been in a similar situation. I came out as gay when I was 16, but ended up with a guy at 19. A few years later and I had a brief relationship with another man. Some people viewed me as bisexual because of this. However, bisexuality is the sexual attraction to both male and females. I have no sexual attraction to men. I look at men and feel nothing at all. There's no feelings of excitement, arousal, or anything else. Not like there is with another woman.

For the two men I've been with, I wasn't attracted to their physical appearance, I was attracted to their personality. The way they behaved, the things they said, their body language. I loved being with them for who they were, not what they were.

So, yes, I think it's perfectly ok to stay in a relationship even if it doesn't fit your orientation. However, you have to ask yourself, will you be happy with this in the future? I left the first guy because I realised I would never be truly happy with him. The second guy was more complicated, but it would have lead to the same path. As much as I can enjoy sex with men, and their personality, there will always be a huge part that's missing and I will forever feel incomplete whilst being with a man.

Given the length of time you've been with your boyfriend, he obviously loves and supports you very much, but do you see yourself spending the rest of life with him? As much as it's a hard question to ask, it's definitely one worth considering.