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Bi or Lesbian? I'M SO CONFUSED

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by pebbles, May 27, 2020.

  1. pebbles

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    So a few days ago I posted something on Reddit where I thought I was bi but was still kinda confused, and then people recommended I read the Comphet lesbian masterdoc. And now after reading it I think I might be a lesbian, which is really scaring me because I was so sure that I wasn't (tbh I never even really considered it) and it felt like my whole life turned upsidedown in like 15 minutes.

    But I'm still not sure. Like I have had crushed on guys when I was younger (I'm 16F), but now I'm questioning if they were actually attraction or just a result of compulsory heterosexuality. And they were when I was like 10, so do they count? But I do find sometimes find guys attractive.

    Though those crushes are more than I can say for girls, as I've never had a crush on one, unless you count celebrities or fictional characters. Honestly I just wish I had a crush on a normal/real girl so I could confirm that I'm not just making all of this up.

    A lot of the time I think I'm a lesbian because I could see myself with a girl more than with a boy, and when it comes to the idea of kissing and sex it feels like it would be more comfortable and nice with a girl (with a boy it seems gross and scares me more than with a girl).

    And yeah that sounds like obvious lesbian, but how do I know? Like what if I'm making this all up, especially since I've never been in a relationship before so maybe with a guy I would like it and I'm just psyching myself out? And what if I'm making up my feelings for girls, it's not like I've ever seen them in real girls (at least I don't think).

    Ahhhh this was a long rant but I'm just so confused. Anyone have any advice or had similar experiences?
     
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  2. LostInDaydreams

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    Do you need a label right now? Could you just follow your attractions and go from there?
     
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  3. SkylarStar

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    I get why having a label seems good, but sexuality does change. Maybe you were straight then and lesbian now. It’s not just one static thing your whole life. And, ultimately, only you can decide.
     
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  4. LostInDaydreams

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    Some people do describe their sexuality as fluid.

    Some people realise their sexuality later than others and it takes time to work out. I’ve been in a relationship with a man and at the time I would have said that I was straight. Now, I would say that I’ve always been gay and it just took me a while to figure it out.

    How did I know? I missed that question in your OP before. I suppose I had no genuine attraction to men, which having a boyfriend at the time, was possibly easier for me to work out. Also, the idea of only ever having relationships with men seemed to be a really boring and bleak prospect.
     
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  5. silverhalo

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    I dont think that you have to discount celebrity crushes, I mean sure they are not going to amount to anything but who you are attracted to can still show in celebrities.
    I dont think you should rush to any conclusions on your label, if you want one then go with whichever feels more right. It doesnt have to be the end of the line, if you pick one now and then decide that actually another one suits you better than you can change it.
     
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  6. gurlinred

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    Celebrity crushes are confusing to me because I think that Cole Sprouce is hot but at the end of the day, I don't like guys that way. It's just this whole confusing thing idkkk
     
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  7. silverhalo

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    The whole thing can be confusing, sometimes it can be difficult to figure stuff out but you will get there.
     
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  8. La Corbeau

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    This... this is kind of exactly how I feel. I just say that I'm queer until I really "figure it out". It helps so I don't have to update my friends every time my label shifts.
     
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  9. gurlinred

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    Oh my god you totally get me hahaha :astonished:
     
  10. La Corbeau

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    Yes!! It's nice to know that I'm not the only one who's confused about such things. I have celebrity crushes, but are they like,,, real? Do I just find their faces aesthetically pleasing? Is it compulsory heterosexuality? Is it compulsive HOMOSEXUALITY? *babbles wildly*
     
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  11. gurlinred

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    I totally get where you are coming from, also is it just me or like when you were little and you had a "crush" on a guy do you ever wonder if you genuinely had feelings for him or if you were just trying to be like everyone else at your Catholic private school that your evil parents forced you to go to. (that last part is definitely just me) Hahaha:sweat_smile:
     
  12. La Corbeau

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    Oh, definitely. Looking back, there was a LOT of compulsive heterosexuality in my past. And I actively hated it. I was (and still is) a stupid kid.
     
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  13. gurlinred

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    Haha it's so nice to be able to have someone who understands whatever the heck is happening
     
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  14. La Corbeau

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    'Understands' is a relative term haha, but it is nice to have someone who gets it. I have one irl queer friend and she's got it all figured out. How? I have no freakin' idea.
     
  15. LostInDaydreams

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    I think it’s normal to take time to commit to a label. For months, I just said that I preferred women. However, I do think there’s something in how a label feels. For me, I was always debating whether I was gay or straight. I never even really considered that I might be bisexual because I think I knew it didn’t fit.

    With regards to crushes on guys and not being sure if they are genuine, do you feel any interest in acting on them? I thought that I had crushes on guys at school, but I had no interest in actually having one as my boyfriend. The thought made me quite anxious.
     
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  16. gurlinred

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    On the whole acting on my feelings, I got kissed by a few guys early on in middle school but I never really felt anything for them. Then I compared it to my past relationships with girls and I see how much more invested I was in the other person. In my relationships with girls I would always get so caught up in them and they would eventually break my heart over and over again. And my first kiss was with a girl and we had a really toxic relationship towards the end but I remember how in love I felt(proly not love but I really liked her). All in all, I am more confused as ever right now, hahaha.
     
  17. LostInDaydreams

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    What’s causing the confusion?

    With regards to preferences, your posts seem pretty clear.
     
  18. gurlinred

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    @LostInDaydreams
    What's making me confused is what I am writing. So this is not related to sexuality things so it is pretty much off-topic but when I am writing I just type what I think and then fix all my mistakes(there is usually a lot) and I will read what I wrote and I think "is what I am trying to say clear" "am I being too annoying" "what the hell is going on right now". Ok so this (to me) makes no sense but I hope you could understand what I am saying. If I am annoying sorry, and again thank you for being so kind and understanding right now haha
     
  19. gurlinred

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    ohhhhh wait I get what you were saying I just read it wrong nevermind
    wait you are talking about like, liking girls or guys right(I sound so stupid right now)
     
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  20. LostInDaydreams

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    It’s ok. :slight_smile:

    So where you say you are “more confused as ever”, you’re saying that you’re not sure what you’ve written makes sense?