Hi all, I am a 22 year old male and I am currently struggling with determining my sexuality. From as young as I can remember I was attracted to females with tonnes of crushes and fantasies and couldn't for the life of me figure out how girls liked boys. I could not for the life of me figure out why because girls were just so attractive and intriguing ahaha. Fast forward to about 15 years old I started obsessing that I might be gay even though there was no evidence up until that point other than playing silly games as a child with boys and girls. The obsession made me doubt my attraction to females and I would constantly be checking porn to determine what I was interested in. After about 6 months I actually started to have sexual reactions to gay content that when coupled with the intense anxiety I was feeling, actually felt stronger than what I had for straight content. Note that my reaction to straight content before my obsession was definitely as strong as my reaction to gay content at the time of my obsession. This ruined me as I was very confused how a life of being attracted to women could disappear all because I had the thought one day that I might be gay and started watching stuff I did not find interesting at the time of the onset of the obsession. Over time I kept having responses to gay content and can confidently say that the porn interests me currently, more than straight porn does. I have recently broken up with my girlfriend which reignited my anxiety that I need to find out if I am gay as I feel I still want to be with her for life and need to figure out this side of me before I make any sort of attempt at reconciliation. To try and find out, I attempted to experiment with a man and I can hands down say it was the worst sexual experience of my life. I wasn't disgusted as much as I was just disinterested. I did not have any sort of sexual reaction to the encounter. Since then I have tried finding other people to experiment with but whenever I think of doing something with an actual man I find myself not interested. This could be anxiety, however, the disinterest feels genuine. It confuses me greatly as although sex with my ex-girlfriend was definitely enjoyable, I found that gay porn could give me stronger feelings of arousal and still does when compared to straight porn. I will admit that I am sad I have potentially lost the insane amount of interest in women I had when I was younger, and felt when I first started dating my ex-girlfriend but am unsure whether this is affecting my current ability to accept I might be gay. If I am gay I desperately just want to be attracted to real life men like I used to feel about women and sometimes still do. That way I can have some sort of direction. It's so confusing because despite my interest in gay porn the real life component just doesn't seem to be there. I don't check guys out on the street or in movies or anything like that. It just isn't there. I was wondering if anyone has had a similar experience and can shed some light of this situation. I understand that I could be bisexual but if that was the case then I feel like I should be more interested in straight porn which frankly bores me most of the time. As stated before though, when in the mood with my ex, the sex was great. Straight Porn ever since my obsession with figuring out my sexuality has done nothing but cause anxiety as I wish my interest was still there like it used to be. Thank you in advance to anyone that took the time to read this. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it.
Hey man, Welcome to EC! I can’t offer much insight, just that I currently have the exact same situation pretty much to a T. I have always been with women, never with men, but gay porn turns me on much more than straight porn. It’s like something takes over my body and I’m fully gay while watching it. However, I met up with a guy once and could not get erect no matter how hard I tried (not sure if it was repressing my sexuality or what). All I can say is that you are not alone and to go with what feels right. From what Chip and a lot of other EC members say, is that porn is not a reliable indicator of your sexuality. So to that, if only gay porn turns you on but nothing else, it might be a clue that you enjoy gay porn, but might not have any real indication of your sexuality. Hopefully someone else can help you who has been through a similar situation
Hello, @Tim9788 and @confused155 As @confused155 mentioned in his reply, porn is not an indicator of your sexual orientation neither your gender identity nor your sexuality. So, do not anxious yourselves more than that because I found and met gay guys, who enjoyed themselves watching straight porn. Porn is porn, and it does not mean that you need to watch straight porn because you are straight. Similarly, it can be said that an straight guy is gay because he likes to stimulate his prostate. Both of you are not alone in this, and I am so happy to talk to both of you whenever you want. Just to say, enjoy your sexuality as it is, you are not going to be less straight neither masculine nor whatever. It is just you and your likes.
