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Am I bi when I’m in a straight relationship???!

Discussion in 'Sexual Orientation' started by Joelle b, May 15, 2020.

  1. Joelle b

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    ok, here’s something that’s been bothering me. So I am like totally obsessed with one of my guy friends and for some reason I feel like a fake when I am on here posting about being bi. Why the hell do I feel like that? I just feel really like a liar. Dose liking a guy make me less gay? I feel less gay. Why do I feel less gay? I mean, I still have a total celeb crush on this girl and all, but I just still feel like I shouldn’t be in this site when I am either crushing on a guy, or like, what about if I start dating a dude? I feel like I will be fake if I still claim to be bi. What is wrong with me? Why do I feel like that??
     
  2. alwaysforever

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    It doesn't matter. Or rather it shouldn't. If you experience attraction to guys, girls, or non-binary folks, your relationship status doesn't make that any less valid if you focus on one person.
     
  3. Joelle b

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    I know it shouldn’t but I just can’t help but think that. It’s probably just me, but I guess it’s enough to make me feel fake. And other people will think I am straight, which shouldn’t bother me, but since I am going to have to fight to be bi in my community it will be like it was all a waste of time.
    But you are right. It shouldn’t matter
     
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  4. xenu

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    If you are like me, just give it awhile. You will find yourself attracted to another woman and wonder why you ever cared about a guy. Bisexual doesn't mean equally attracted to both sexes, especially not at the same time. This has a way of going back and forth.
     
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  5. BiGemini87

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    I think this is a pretty common occurrence for bisexual/pansexual people. You're still bisexual, no matter who you're with. Your relationship doesn't define your orientation. I think the fact that so many people misunderstand what bisexuality is and as a result, have a tendency of telling off bisexuals in opposite sex relationships, that we as bisexuals constantly find ourselves experiencing this on again, off again feeling of inadequacy.

    The frustrating thing is, you come to expect it: from heterosexuals or other LGBTQ+ people (the latter more, I've noticed), it doesn't matter. It's more hurtful though when it's coming from other people within the community however, because they should honestly know better.

    Furthermore, it's no one's business if your dating experience has thus far (or in my case, only) comprised of the opposite sex. Who you have relations with is no one else's business, and it certainly doesn't nullify the way you view and feel around the same sex.

    So no, you're not a fraud. :slight_smile: You are, sadly, living the bisexual experience. Hopefully this is something that gets easier to deal with, however, and maybe even becomes less focused in your mind.
     
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  6. Aytch

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    Even if you only like one girl in your lifetime and like guys for the rest, you are still bisexual. I have seen bisexuality compared to the color purple. If you lean more to girls or boys, your purple might be a little more violet or indigo, but it is still purple. If you happen to like a guy right now, that is just a drop of color in a sea of purple. If you feel like you are not 'bi enough' because you feel like your sexuality is based off of what you are doing RIGHT NOW, ignore that. That would be like saying everyone who is not in a romantic relationship right this instant is aromantic. And just be kind to yourself and remember that whatever identity you choose is valid!
     
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  7. BiGemini87

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    This! One of the best comparisons I've seen to date.
     
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  8. a cow gorl

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    You are still as much bisexual as you were you're whole life, I mean that is the definition of bisexuality, you like men and women. It is common to not feel as much apart as the community when you are with a man, but if someone tells you you're not in the lgBtq+ they're ignorant and don't even know about the community as a whole.
     
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  9. Phoenix92

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    If you identify as Bi, you’re Bi.

    and it’s not something that’s fixed throughout your life. how you sexually identify can change.
    For instance, I identified as Pansexual for the longest time, but once I got on hormones I realized “wait, I don’t even like my own member, why would I enjoy someone else’s?”
     
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  10. LostInDaydreams

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    I agree with the posters above. Your sexuality is defined by you and how you feel, not by who you’re dating or have dated.

    I identify as gay, but I’ve been in a long term relationship with a man and have a child. Everyone that knows me is aware of this and some probably assume I’m straight. I have at times felt like an imposter/fraud, but that had lessened with time.
     
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  11. Hats

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    As everyone else has said, your orientation isn't about who you're dating, it's about who you're attracted to and which label you feel most comfortable with. There are some people like my sibling who could technically be considered bi, but who've only been attracted to someone of the opposite gender once and so feel that the term straight fits them better. However, that doesn't mean that anyone else in that situation is fake if they identify as bi instead. All that's required to be bi is that you're attracted to more than one gender. So no, you're not a fake bisexual. :slight_smile:
     
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  12. Aytch

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    Thanks you!
     
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  13. Vesta

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    Being in a relationship doesn't determine what you're attracted to. That comes from within. I identify as gay but I've been with two men. It's been argued that I'm bisexual solely because of these relationships, but context is also very important.

    Despite being with those two men, my sexual and romantic attraction to women never faded. It's just part of who I am. Just like how your sexual attraction to men and women is part of who you are. Being with a man doesn't make you any less bisexual.
     
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  14. TheodoreAC

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    Hey Roura! You're probably feeling better already but I felt that I should add something as well.
    Just because you like a boy doesn't mean you aren't a bisexual, it's BIsexual. BOTH. you like a boy, that's apart of the BOTH. Just because you aren't liking the other half of the both doesn't mean you're not both! You are both! You are bi!
    And! You! Are! Wonderful!
    I hope you're feeling better and I hope we can talk soon <3
     
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